Tag: TV (Page 17 of 17)

Curses

October 17, 2003 / DB

Well, every bit of last night’s Red Sox – Yankees game seven could have been predicted. The Red Sox get to Roger Clemens early while Pedro Martinez is just good enough to avoid jams. The Sox give themselves an insurance run late. Then, as soon as the “X outs to the World Series” threshold hits, things fall apart. Just like the Cubs Tuesday, the Sox were up three runs with five defensive outs standing between them and the World Series. However, in this case, it was extremely curious managerial decisions that let the Yankees back in rather than an expertly placed foul ball. Let’s not kid ourselves, though, no matter what Grady Little did, the Yankees were coming back. And Aaron Boone fit the profile perfectly for ending the game in the bottom of the 11th inning. Another long, cold winter for Sox fans. More banners for Yankee Stadium.

Instead of rubbing the head of Babe Ruth’s monument before every start, why doesn’t Roger Clemens just wear a jersey that says “DICK” across the front? It will prove the same point and save him a lot of walking.

It was nice of Fox to stick with the game in the middle of the first until Pedro made his entrance. Of course, that meant we missed three first pitches in other innings here in Indy while the local affiliate was busy getting their promos in.

Speaking of the local Fox station, they’re pretty much like every other Fox station in the country: more fluff than substance. A little too tabloid, a little too much caffeine. Unfortunately, though, they’re not loaded up with eye candy. What’s the point of having a Fox station if it’s not staffed with former models attempting to break into the TV awards presentation field?

As enthralling as the game was, I was disappointed there was no World Poker Tour action on ESPN to watch during commercials.

There are expectant mothers throughout New England that are secretly glad Boston lost. They were not looking forward to the name Trot hastily being added to the list of possibilities by their husbands.

Joe Torre moves his slumping slugger to the seven hole. Grady Little keeps his pitcher, who’s clearly been struggling recently and despite his performance starting to lose his best stuff that night, in the game when he’s got a left-hander ready in the bullpen to face the three straight left handed Yankees about to come to the plate. Jason Giambi hits two home runs. Pedro Martinez lets the Yankees back in the game. Maybe it’s not just George Steinbrenner’s money that makes the Yanks good.

Mike Mussina did a nice job in his three innings. I loved his quote, though, from earlier in the series, “All I can control is sixty feet, six inches.” Very Elvis Grbac. Fortunately for him, the Yankees are far too professional to worry about that.

Doesn’t Kevin Millar look like he should have played for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the mid-70s? He makes Dennis Leonard look cleanly shaved.

Think people’s haaaaaaahts were beating haaaaahder in Boston after David Ortiz’s home run? “Six outs away! We’re wicked close! How about them aaaaaaapples?!?!”

Best sign at Yankees Stadium, “Mystique Don’t Fail Me Now”. Perfect timing.
Derek Jeter, 0-2, double. Bernie Williams, single. Hideki Matsui, 0-2, double. Jorge Posada, double. And like that Boston’s suicide hotlines light up.

Boston goes to extra innings in New York in a game they can clinch. Haven’t we done this before?

We all know what happened. You may ask, “How can you like the Red Sox and not like the cute little Cubbies?” Let me count the ways:
1 – The Red Sox, like every other team in the AL East, are not the Yankees. If you grew up in Kansas City in the late 70s, early 80s, at some point you’ve been a fan of every team other than the Yankees in the East because you hate the Yankees so much.
2 – Jim Rice. He was part of my holy trinity of baseball players growing up (George Brett and Eddie Murray being the other two). I would practice dropping the bat like Rice after I hit the ball. Plus, he wore my favorite number, 14.
3 – The Red Sox lose one heart-wrenching game every decade that keeps them cursed. Outside those games, they’re actually pretty good most of the time. The Cubbies are loveable losers. Their entire organization is built around the celebration of losing. The Red Sox actually want to win. There’s just this cottage industry of people outside the organization who have made money off of perpetuating the idea of a curse.
4 – I may not be a Cardinals fan, but I know enough to have had the hatred of the Cubs rub off on me over the years.
5 – Finally, some of my best baseball memories revolve around the Red Sox. The great teams of the late 70s through mid 80s that were loaded with talent, but always had some huge flaw (generally just having to play in the same division as the Yankees). Fenway’s distorted genius trumps the softball qualities of Wrigley any day. The Cubs were the horrible team that provided the only baseball I could watch when I was a kid in southeast Missouri. Piss off a kid, you never really get a chance to change it.

I want the Marlins to win, but why would I ever pick against the Yankees? They’ve got the money, the mystique, and the media. Yankees in five.

Fab Five

September 19, 2003 / DB

I love to write. That’s the whole point of having the blog. However, the down side is the pressure to write on certain subjects. For example, someone who I’ll refer to as “Feldman” has all but demanded that I compare the Fab Five of Michigan to the Fab Five of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. “Feldman” really knows how to put me in a spot. One of the most dynamic college basketball teams of all-time compared and contrasted with my current favorite TV show. I’m shocked ESPN’s Bill Simmons hasn’t already taken care of this comparison. OK, I’ll give it a shot.

Lineups:
University of Michigan, 1991-1993
Chris Webber – 6’10’’ Center
Juwan Howard – 6’9’’ Forward
Jimmy King – 6’5’’ Forward
Ray Jackson – 6’3’’ Guard
Jalen Rose – 6’8’’ Guard

Queer Eyes
Carson Kressley – Fashion
Thom Filicia – Décor
Ted Allen – Food and Wine
Jai Rodriguez – Culture
Kyan Douglas – Grooming

Chris Webber vs. Kyan Douglas:
Two wildly talented, charismatic superstars. However, both have spotty records with the game on the line.
An almost perfect mix of size, speed, and talent. Chris Webber will dunk on you, talk about your mom, and otherwise intimidate for the first 38 minutes (we’re playing with a college clock). But in those last two minutes, he’ll shrink from taking the big shots, travel, and call time outs you don’t have. After the game, he’ll unleash a profanity filled tirade that makes you wonder how someone so intelligent can act so immature.
Kyan will have your hair looking gorgeous, get you on a skin care regimen super models would die for, and make you feel good about yourself. But why is Ted Allen always taking the Straight Guy to the kitchen right when Kyan is showing him how to shave? Perhaps he’s worried Kyan will cause a nasty nick or brutal razor burn that derails the Straight Guy’s date.
C-Webb dates Tyra Banks. I don’t know whom Kyan dates, but I have a feeling it’s the gay male equivalent of Tyra Banks.
Advantage: Push. I don’t want the ball in the hands of either of these guys in a close game (first mildly suggestive line of the comparison).

Jalen Rose vs. Carson Kressley:
The boisterous straws that stir the drink. The multi-tasking, trash talking, motors that kept the car cruising down the highway.
Jalen was the 6’8’’ point guard who created incredible match-up problems in the college game. Although his job was running the offense, he could do a little of everything. He could take the outside side shot, go to the rack, and play defense. Jalen always seemed a little off, though. He could explode emotionally on the court. His interviews were the kind that always made you a little uncomfortable.
Carson is the wisecracking fashion expert and most flamboyant of Bravo’s Fab Five. Always quick with a homo-erotic joke (Grandma, “This is a Siemens couch.” Carson, “I have a semen couch, too.”). A little too willing to put out-of-shape, middle aged men in clothes that shout GAY. Yet somehow, he always has the Straight Guy wearing something that perfectly matches his physique and personality by the end of the show. And in between all his jokes, he’s really all about love.
Advantage: Carson

Juwan Howard vs. Ted Allen:
Juwan was the mild-mannered sidekick to Chris Webber’s basketball genius. On any other team, he would have been a superstar. On Michigan, he quietly played in C-Web’s shadow. Until crunch-time. Then he would take over. While Webber was in the corner pouting, or chasing after referees, Juwan was the guy who would demand the ball and hit shot after shot. If he had Webber’s athletic ability, or Webber had Juwan’s head, you might be looking at the greatest college player ever. I’m talking better than Luke Axtell even.
Ted Allen, Carmel High School grad, is Queer Eye’s food and wine expert. By far the least cool of the Fab Five, he seems to mirror Juwan well in that sense. The whole point of Queer Eye is to take guys who need some help getting their wardrobe, grooming style, and homes in decent shape, then have them able to sustain the lifestyle after the Fab Five leave. I think Allen over reaches a lot. I have a hard time seeing guys living in apartments in the outer boroughs shopping at fancy food boutiques in the Village. Plus, his recipes always seem just a little too complex, guaranteeing the Straight Guy will somehow destroy it.
Advantage: Juwan

Jimmy King vs. Jai Rodriguez:
Very interesting match-up. Jimmy King nearly committed to Kansas. Then his mom got the 1990 US News & World Report guide to colleges. Michigan was in the top ten, Kansas in the top 50. Jimmy King went to Michigan. Jai Rodriguez was not on the early episodes of Queer Eye. Apparently he committed to another show, but realized his mistake and transferred in, after sitting out the required two episodes. OK, that last part is made up, but he was a late addition, replacing the initial choice for culture expert.
King was Michigan’s high-flying wingman. While defenses tried to clamp down on Jalen Rose at the point, or Juwan and C-Web in the paint, he blew by over-extended defenders for easy dunks and lay-ups. In the true Fab Five days, that’s about all he did. After Chris Webber and later Juwan and Jalen left for the NBA, he actually turned himself into a pretty good all-around player. He’s had a solid career on the bench in the NBA too. That’s not a knock; I’d sit my ass at the end of an NBA bench for a cool quarter million a year.
Jai is in many ways my favorite Queer. He seems cool. He’s into music and culture. I feel like I could hang out with him. That said, he uses the word amazing too much. It’s amazing how often he uses the word amazing. And his segments always seem to get cut down to almost nothing. It’s almost as though he’s around since he’s a cool guy and rarely says anything too gay, so his job is stay buddy-buddy with the Straight Guy and keep him focused if Carson gets too over-the-top.
Advantage: Jimmy King. Dunks are always good.

Ray Jackson vs. Thom Filicia:
Ray Jackson was often referred to as the Fifth Fab Five guy. The other four were all top 30 recruits; Ray was just some guy from Texas to a lot of basketball fans. He didn’t start until late in his freshman year, but when he was inserted into the starting lineup, Michigan took off. His game was kind of non-descript, too, so he rarely did anything that you had to call your buddy across the country to talk about after the game. He managed to fill whatever hole needed to be filled, though (Suggestive comment #2). If Jalen was in foul-trouble, Ray brought the ball up. If Calbert Cheney was going off for Indiana, put Ray on him and watch him get shut down. Ray did the dirty work so the other guys could shine. And like Juwan, he always seemed to come up huge in crunch time.
Thom Filicia has the hardest job on Queer Eye. He has to redecorate an entire house or apartment. While Kyan is getting facials and Carson playing dress up, Thom is picking out furniture, painting, and basically remodeling an entire residence. Anyone can get a haircut or buy some nice clothes. Redoing a house over the course of a couple days (the show is actually shot over 2-3 days) is a Herculean effort.
Advantage: Thom. The unappreciated genius of the show. Every house looks fantastic when he’s done with it.

Final Tally:
Michigan Fab Five: 2 ½
Queer Eye Fab Five: 2 ½

A tie! I wonder how the whole kissing your sister analogy works when gay guys are part of the equation. How to break the tie? The Michigan Fab Five were the signature basketball team of our generation. They lost two championship games, but I bet outside of North Carolina, most people remember the Fab Five better than either the ’92 Duke or the ’93 UNC teams. They brought baggy shorts, black socks, and baldheads to the college game. They were the first modern college team, when personalities were becoming as important as they were in the NBA. They were brash, but did it all with a twinkle in their eye. Most importantly, when they focused, they were very, very good. One of the best teams I’ve ever seen. They were incredibly fun to watch when they were clicking.
The Queer Eye guys really can’t be judged fairly in comparison. We’re halfway through their first season. They take elements of Trading Spaces, Total Makeover, Emeril, and even Oprah and combine them into an hour of pure joy. What appears to be a gimmick at its surface is actually a very well done show. That said, the humor isn’t anything you can’t already hear on Will & Grace. For all its positive qualities, I’m not sure if it will go down in history for anything other than the novelty element.

So it looks like Michigan pulls out a close one. Wait…what’s this? Chris Webber has shot the ball into the wrong basket! This is amazing, folks! Chris Webber has blown another one for Michigan! Queers win! Queers win!

Hope you’re satisfied, “Feldman”. Have a great weekend.

D’s Notes

August 22, 2003 / DB

A few D’s notes to wrap the week up.

Poor Reggie Miller. He signed his two year contract with the Pacers yesterday, and boldly proclaimed that even when he was injured last year, he was better than 2/3 of the shooting guards in the league. There are 29 teams in the NBA. I’m feeling charitable today (And Reggie is old) so I’ll round up and say that means he needs to be in the top ten of shooting guards to back that up. Reggie averaged 12.6 points per game last year. Four of the top five scorers in the league last year were shooting guards (Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, and Paul Pierce). In fact, Reggie’s scoring numbers don’t even get him into the top 50 in overall scoring.

Sure, positions aren’t set in stone in the NBA. You also ask, ‘Isn’t there more to basketball than scoring?’ Not at the shooting guard spot. If you rebound or rack up assist numbers at the 2 guard spot, that’s all gravy to the team. Your job is to score, and often. Reggie couldn’t ever play defense, so it’s not like he’s out there still shutting guys down when his shot isn’t dropping.
I think Ed Lilya summed it up best this morning when he said, ‘Ego is a powerful thing when you’re an up-and-coming player’.but after a while, ego is just a bitch.’ Well said.

Even better, the Pacers dicked around so long hammering out Reggie’s contract, and tied up so much money, that Jon Barry chose to sign with Denver rather than keep waiting for an offer from Indy. Let’s reset the Pacers lineup: All NBA caliber power forward (Jermaine O’Neal), role playing center (Scot Pollard), completely insane small forward (Ron Artest), Old Mother Miller at the two guard, and a wildly inconsistent point guard who can’t shoot (Jamaal Tinsley). No proven depth in the backcourt. Lots of ‘potential’ sitting behind the three frontcourt players. Donnie Walsh and Larry Bird better be damn confident about Al Harrington’s health and Jonathan Bender’s development otherwise this team has nothing.

Jason Whitlock beat me to a column about the off-season state of Big 8+4 basketball. Who knew that Larry Eustachy’s mess would completely be forgotten and the Ricky Clemmons situation at Mizzou largely ignored because of what’s happened at Baylor. Is it too late to get SMU to take Baylor’s place? Gives the conference a team in Dallas, plus all the kids from Johnson County who end up at SMU would still get a chance to see KU play every year (although, like Baylor, we couldn’t beat them in football either). Sounds like a deal to me!

Who decided Stuart Scott was worthy of endorsements? The guy is horrible on Sportscenter, NFL Countdown, etc. His exchanges with John Madden last year on Monday Night Countdown were some of the lowest points in TV sports history. There must be some threshold for working at ESPN at which advertisers say, ‘Well, he’s awful, but people have seen him for ten years. Maybe he’ll make them want to buy pain killers.’ The chest bump he does in the Tylenol commercial is classic Scott. Lays the ball up, then makes a big production of it. Dude is like 47 and he’s still trying to convince us he’s 21 and ‘in-touch’. Every time I see him on I Love the 70s or 80s, I immediately switch, because I know nothing of value is coming up.

Now some good TV, to balance that. I was a huge fan of the Daily Show in its first couple years, when ESPN alum Craig Kilborne was the host. For whatever reason, I quit watching several years ago (and have never really watched his show on CBS either). I’ve been watching a lot more lately, and Jon Stewart is a freaking genius. He had two great Arnold lines this week. First, when speaking to young kids in New York (they can vote in CA? That state is screwed up!), Arnold got the kids to say, ‘We say no to violence.’ Cut back to Stewart who stares blankly at the camera. ‘So The Terminator’..Conan the Barbarian says we should say no to violence?!?!’ Later in the week, when Arnold released his first campaign ad and talked about leading California into the future, Stewart said, ‘But what if, in that future, someone is sent back from further in the future to interrupt our prosperity. I don’t know, a robot or a hot chick, or a molten piece of metal that can morph into any shape. How will Governor Arnold handle that?’ The first ten minutes of each night’s episode are always worth watching.

I forget what the line was, but Mike A. put odds on when I would first mention English Premier League soccer, I mean football. Well, Mike, today’s the day. I was watching the Portsmouth-Aston Villa game last Saturday. Newly promoted Portsmouth was hanging onto a narrow 2-1 lead late over traditional giants Villa. The camera focused on a fan in the stands who had both hands behind his head, face twisted with stress, squinting at the clock to see how much time was left. The commentator, in a classic, dry, English manner, said, ‘That’s the face of life in the Premier League there: 90 minutes of pure agony.’ I loved that comment. Erick R. and I have often talked about how sometimes we just like to get KU games over with, so we can relax. Isn’t that stupid? You look forward to a game for a week, then get so tense during the action that you can’t really enjoy it. The English angle was nice as well. Teams move among divisions based on their success from year-to-year in European football (If the Royals were a soccer team in England, they would have been relegated for a decade now). Fans of first division clubs hope their side finishes in the promotion zone so they can jump to the Premier League and play with the big boys. Their reward? 90 minutes every Saturday of not being able to breath nor see straight. Sounds like a good trade-off to me.

Happy weekend.