Allow me to admit something that may seem obvious to other parents out there, but which surprised me and may make you laugh at \/ mock me.<\/p>\n
As I\u2019ve mentioned many times over the years, child care has never been an issue for us. S. comes from a large family, many of whom have lived near us, and thus we\u2019ve pretty much always had access to free-to-cheap and readily available sitters on the rare occasions when we actually go out and engage in adult social activities. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even \u201chonorary\u201d aunts – friends of their blood relatives that the girls already knew and were comfortable with – have always been there for us.<\/p>\n
There have been exactly two exceptions in 10 years.[1]<\/p>\n
Once, when visiting friends in Michigan about two months before C. was born we had a sitter come over to watch M. and our hosts\u2019 kids. But we made sure M. was in bed and asleep before we left, at the expense of showing up late for our dinner reservation. She never saw the sitter.<\/p>\n
Then, last spring, when we were headed out for an evening with our neighbors, we collectively hired the college freshman from two houses down to watch our five girls. She walked over when it was time for us to leave, and walked home after we returned. Even though the girls didn\u2019t really know her, they had seen her around for years and were excited to hang out with someone new. Easy.<\/p>\n
Our girls actually look forward to nights when we go out, knowing an aunt or Mimi and Ampa are coming over to spend the evening with them.<\/p>\n
We may, though, have entered a brave new world.<\/p>\n
Last month we actually had an eighth grader from St. P\u2019s come over and watch the girls for a few hours so we could go to happy hour\/dinner with some other St. P\u2019s parents.<\/p>\n
When we told the girls that A. was coming over to watch them, they freaked out. In a good way. They were crazy excited. L. knew A. a little, as her eighth-grade buddy is best friends with A, and A\u2019s kindergarten buddy is one of L.\u2019s best friends. And A\u2019s mom is a part-time teacher at St. P\u2019s, so M. and C. knew who she was.<\/p>\n
Anyway, we picked A. up, brought her over, I had a list of all pertinent information on the counter for her, pizza was set to be delivered shortly, and the girls had a stack of games and movies they couldn\u2019t wait to share with her. Off we went.<\/p>\n
We had a great evening; good food, good beer, good company. I checked in with A. via text a couple times and it sounded like the girls were having fun, too. A\u2019s mom was with our group, and she showed me texts that confirmed all was going well. I think she was as excited because A. just began babysitting and she was glad she was starting with an easy group of kids.<\/p>\n
At one point in the evening, another dad in our group asked a very important question.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho is driving A. home?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUmm, me,\u201d I said, not having really thought of it.<\/p>\n
He laughed and shook his head, \u201cNo, no, no, no!\u201d<\/p>\n
This is probably old news to the other dads out there who have used sitters who can\u2019t drive before, but I was truly shocked to find out that dads are not supposed to drive babysitters home anymore. Or at least not without someone else in the car. By this point in the evening, it was a requirement that I drive rather than S., so we couldn\u2019t make that adjustment in plans for who got A. home.<\/p>\n
Fortunately we got around it. A\u2019s mom had caught a ride to dinner, expecting her husband to join us later. He couldn\u2019t make it, so we offered her a ride home. Whew, I wasn\u2019t going to be alone in a car with a 13-year-old girl!<\/p>\n
This whole thing bugged me, though. I mean, logically it made sense. But as a kid, it always seemed like it was the dad who drove my friends\u2019 sitters home. I asked our neighbors what their rules were. They quickly agreed that dad never drives a sitter home alone. In fact, they said, their weekly church group even devoted a whole session to exactly that topic: making sure you don\u2019t put yourself or a kid in a situation that could become inappropriate.<\/p>\n
When I shared this with S., I was kind of fascinated by our reactions. She thought it was crazy and kind of stupid. I, on the other hand, after thinking about it more, thought about how many teenage girls have been driven home by semi- to completely drunk dads over the years. Even if nothing is attempted, said, or hinted at, the chances for the situation to quickly get creepy are pretty high. Kind of interesting that the woman thought these guidelines are weird and the dad thought they were reasonable.<\/p>\n
So we\u2019ve adjusted our plan for the next time we have A. over, or any other sitter over who needs a ride home at the end of the night. S. will drive them home. Or, if it\u2019s not too late, one or more of the girls will ride with me if I\u2019m the driver.<\/p>\n
Anyway, I thought some of you might laugh at how our sheltered parenting experience means we\u2019re just now figuring out some things that others of you discovered many years ago.<\/p>\n
As a postscript, I should share that the girls indeed had a great time. They are all excited any time they see A. in the halls or in the parking lot at pickup and tell me all about it. At C.\u2019s softball practice last week, M. and L. went to the restrooms. When they came back they were screaming, \u201cDad! We saw A. practicing soccer!\u201d They keep asking when we\u2019re going to have her over again.<\/p>\n
I think we chose pretty wisely when we decided to finally bite the bullet and get someone who isn\u2019t an adult relative, or near-relative, to watch the girls for us. Thank goodness our girls didn\u2019t act like the lunatics they are around us for their new friend.<\/p>\n
I think there have been a few times when the girls have hung with someone else\u2019s grandmother for awhile. But I don\u2019t really count that as hiring a sitter. \u00a0\u21a9<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Allow me to admit something that may seem obvious to other parents out there, but which surprised me and may make you laugh at \/ mock me. As I\u2019ve mentioned many times over the years, child care has never been an issue for us. S. comes from a large family, many of whom have lived near us, and thus we\u2019ve pretty much always had access to free-to-cheap and readily available sitters on the rare occasions when we actually go out and engage in adult social activities. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even \u201chonorary\u201d aunts – friends of their blood relatives that the girls already knew and were comfortable with – have always been there for us. There have been exactly two exceptions in 10 years.[1] Once, when visiting friends in Michigan about two months before C. was born we had a sitter come over to watch M. and our hosts\u2019 kids. But we made sure M. was in bed and asleep before we left, at the expense of showing up late for our dinner reservation. She never saw the sitter. Then, last spring, when we were headed out for an evening with our neighbors, we collectively hired the college freshman from two houses down to watch our five girls. She walked over when it was time for us to leave, and walked home after we returned. Even though the girls didn\u2019t really know her, they had seen her around for years and were excited to hang out with someone new. Easy. Our girls actually look forward to nights when we go out, knowing an aunt or Mimi and Ampa are coming over to spend the evening with them. We may, though, have entered a brave new world. Last month we actually had an eighth grader from St. P\u2019s come over and watch the girls for a few hours so we could go to happy hour\/dinner with some other St. P\u2019s parents. When we told the girls that A. was coming over to watch them, they freaked out. In a good way. They were crazy excited. L. knew A. a little, as her eighth-grade buddy is best friends with A, and A\u2019s kindergarten buddy is one of L.\u2019s best friends. And A\u2019s mom is a part-time teacher at St. P\u2019s, so M. and C. knew who she was. Anyway, we picked A. up, brought her over, I had a list of all pertinent information on the counter for her, pizza was set to be delivered shortly, and the girls had a stack of games and movies they couldn\u2019t wait to share with her. Off we went. We had a great evening; good food, good beer, good company. I checked in with A. via text a couple times and it sounded like the girls were having fun, too. A\u2019s mom was with our group, and she showed me texts that confirmed all was going well. I think she was as excited because A. just began babysitting and she was glad she was starting with an easy group of kids. At one point in the evening, another dad in our group asked a very important question. \u201cWho is driving A. home?\u201d \u201cUmm, me,\u201d I said, not having really thought of it. He laughed and shook his head, \u201cNo, no, no, no!\u201d This is probably old news to the other dads out there who have used sitters who can\u2019t drive before, but I was truly shocked to find out that dads are not supposed to drive babysitters home anymore. Or at least not without someone else in the car. By this point in the evening, it was a requirement that I drive rather than S., so we couldn\u2019t make that adjustment in plans for who got A. home. Fortunately we got around it. A\u2019s mom had caught a ride to dinner, expecting her husband to join us later. He couldn\u2019t make it, so we offered her a ride home. Whew, I wasn\u2019t going to be alone in a car with a 13-year-old girl! This whole thing bugged me, though. I mean, logically it made sense. But as a kid, it always seemed like it was the dad who drove my friends\u2019 sitters home. I asked our neighbors what their rules were. They quickly agreed that dad never drives a sitter home alone. In fact, they said, their weekly church group even devoted a whole session to exactly that topic: making sure you don\u2019t put yourself or a kid in a situation that could become inappropriate. When I shared this with S., I was kind of fascinated by our reactions. She thought it was crazy and kind of stupid. I, on the other hand, after thinking about it more, thought about how many teenage girls have been driven home by semi- to completely drunk dads over the years. Even if nothing is attempted, said, or hinted at, the chances for the situation to quickly get creepy are pretty high. Kind of interesting that the woman thought these guidelines are weird and the dad thought they were reasonable. So we\u2019ve adjusted our plan for the next time we have A. over, or any other sitter over who needs a ride home at the end of the night. S. will drive them home. Or, if it\u2019s not too late, one or more of the girls will ride with me if I\u2019m the driver. Anyway, I thought some of you might laugh at how our sheltered parenting experience means we\u2019re just now figuring out some things that others of you discovered many years ago. As a postscript, I should share that the girls indeed had a great time. They are all excited any time they see A. in the halls or in the parking lot at pickup and tell me all about it. At C.\u2019s softball practice last week, M. and L. went to the restrooms. When they came back they were screaming, \u201cDad! We saw A. practicing soccer!\u201d They keep asking when we\u2019re going to have her over again. I think we chose pretty wisely when we decided to finally bite the bullet and get someone who isn\u2019t an adult relative, or near-relative, to watch the girls for us. Thank goodness our girls didn\u2019t act like the lunatics they are around us for their new friend. I think there have been a few times when the girls have hung with someone else\u2019s grandmother for awhile. But I don\u2019t really count that as hiring a sitter. \u00a0\u21a9<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[26,14],"class_list":["post-4266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-family","tag-parenting"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4266"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14052,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266\/revisions\/14052"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dsnotebook.me\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}