Month: September 2004 (Page 2 of 2)

Earthquake Weather

September 13, 2004 / DB

As the linked story relates, there was a small earthquake just south of Indianapolis yesterday. There’s nothing earth shattering in the article (get it, earth shattering???), but I had to share a nugget from the extensive coverage (slow news day) of the event on last night’s late local news. Contrary to what the IU geologist says in the Star article, another “expert” interviewed last night looked gravely at the camera and said, “It’s quite likely there will be a major earthquake in Indiana in the near future.” Naturally, he offered no evidence for his assertion nor did he put “near future” into perspective. Does he mean in the next ten years, or in the next 10,000 years?
No matter, I could hear the elderly, the sick, and people who just like to worry scampering out of their easy chairs and developing a plan to hoard water and food. “Agnes, the man on the television set said we’re going to have a major earthquake soon. Wake the kids! Make sure we have fresh batteries in all the flashlights! We’d better wrap the house in cellophane while we’re at it. It would be just like Al Queda to attack us when we’re trying to dig out of a quake.”
As an aside, I asked my wife where Shelby County was. She responded, “It’s wherever Shelbyville is.” I don’t get much help from her when I’m trying to learn my Indiana geography.

The Basement Is Open

September 10, 2004 / DB

Yes, I pried open the door to the long neglected basement last night and fired up the big screen to watch the Colts-Patriots game. Things have changed a little since my last lengthy stay in our subterranean room for the UConn-Georgia Tech game. Back then, I could just disappear for the night without saying anything. Last night, I had to make sure I had my cell phone with me in case S. needed me quickly (and couldn’t run to the door and yell down at me, I guess). In case she couldn’t remember my cell phone number, I called the home phone from it before I headed downstairs to make sure the number was in the caller ID queue. Ain’t modern life grand?!?!

It was fine news to hear that the NFL is going to standardize Opening Night. From now on, it will occur the Thursday after Labor Day (Bravo!) and be played at the home stadium of the defending Super Bowl Champion. It makes so much sense that you know baseball would never do something like this. Nice work Mr. Tagliabue.

As for the game itself, everything was just so predictable. You knew the Colts would play inspired ball for about 55 of the 60 minutes. They’d bend, but not break, on defense. Peyton, Edgerrin, and Marvin would make enough plays to keep the Colts in the game late, but also make enough mistakes along the way to keep them from taking control of the game. Tom Brady would be steady all night, getting better as time wore down. And finally, the Colts would blow a chance late to win. Make that two chances to win and one chance to tie. How very Indianapolis Colts! All in all, an entertaining start to the season.

Can someone explain this Max Stats thing to me? I only saw it used once, and there was no real explanation of it. When Manning rifled a touchdown pass to Brandon Stokley, ABC showed the speed of the ball as 55 MPH. OK, makes perfect sense, I was with them so far. They also listed the “baseball equivalent” as 83 MPH. Huh? I mean, isn’t something either moving 55 miles per hour or it’s not? I never took physics, but perhaps the point was that the force it takes to hurl an object with the mass and shape of a football X MPH would propel the smaller, more aerodynamic baseball at Y MPH. Is distance factored in, too? How about wind speed, temperature, or relative humidity? If you’re going to compare, let’s be honest about it. Neither Al Michaels nor John Madden explained their methodology, or at least that I ever heard.

How about those Royals? They score 26 runs in the first game of a double header; get shut out in the nightcap. Sounds about right. Juntos podemos!

During commercials and halftime, I caught two other interesting things around the cable lineup. On the World Series of Poker, they had a feature on side bets these gambling freaks make. Everything from $10,000 for a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger, to a man who bet a friend he couldn’t spend 30 days in Des Moines. The worst, by far, though was a man who was bet $100,000 he wouldn’t get breast implants. Naturally, he now has a pretty impressive rack. Whackos.
Over on VH1, I caught the second half of one of the new episodes of Bands Reunited, this edition focusing on The English Beat. A very entertaining look at one of the classic groups of 80s British music. “Save It For Later” anyone? “Mirror in the Bathroom” perhaps? 80s Trivia List members may recall that the Beat broke up and formed two other fine groups, General Public (“Tenderness”) and Fine Young Cannibals. Good stuff.

With that, I bid you a happy weekend.

2004 NFL Preview

September 9, 2004 / DB

The NFL season has arrived! Is there anything more traditional than Thursday night football to put you in the mood for a fall full of pigskin action? Like all good bloggers, I am required to offer my picks for the coming season. To measure my track record from last year, I’ve linked to my 2003 predictions below.

AFC East: New England. After Bill Belichick and Tom Brady walk on water before tonight’s game, the rest of the league forfeits all 16 regular season games just to piss off those old bastards from the 1972 Dolphins. And because they’re deeply afraid of anyone that can walk on water.

AFC South: Indianapolis. Peyton will have the best year for any quarterback ever. Regular season, that is.

AFC North: Baltimore. Can you imagine putting B-more’s defense with the offense of the Colts or Chiefs? The possibility makes me want to go buy a PS2 and Madden so I can make it happen. Maybe they should try playing Ray Lewis at quarterback and run the option. Can you imagine him and Jamal Lewis coming around the corner together?

AFC West: Kansas City. Having Gunther Cunningham back in town almost makes me want to listen to KC talk radio again. The first time the defense gives up 500 yards in a game should provide for a full week of interesting. Can we have the Colts and Chiefs play 12 times a year just to see how many points they can score in a single game?

Wild Cards: Denver, Tennessee.
Just Missing: NY Jets, Cincinnati

Playoffs:
Denver upsets the Chiefs. Cunningham and Dick Vermeil agree to swap roles next season to finally get the team over the top. Cunningham promptly disappears without a trace.
Baltimore wins another classic over Tennessee when the defense scores three times.
New England over Denver. Tom Brady stares at the Broncos defense intensely, reminds them of the whole walking on water thing, and they refuse to touch him for the remainder of the game.
Indy over Baltimore 6-3 in triple overtime
In a surprise to no one, it snows in Foxboro for the AFC championship game. Tom Brady just smiles knowingly when asked about the change in weather (It had been sunny and in the 50s the week leading up to the game). The Pats win another sloppy game 21-17. Afterwards, the Colts complain that the Patriots had the nerve to rush Peyton Manning, and demand the rules committee force defenses to count to “three Mississippi” before crossing the line of scrimmage.

NFC East: Philly. No one else in the division is nearly as good as people think. TO is going to be brilliant in Philadelphia. I mean, he’s going to be an ok player, but the interaction between him, the fans, and the press is going to be legendary.

NFC South: Carolina. It’s tradition that I pick the most obvious team to win this division.

NFC North: Minnesota. Have you noticed how much I enjoy high-octane offenses in football?

NFC West: St. Louis. Everyone and their mother are picking Seattle. For that reason alone I think the Rams have one more great regular season in the tank. I also want to see how many of St. Louis’ “great football fans” care about the Rams anymore after the Cardinals win the World Series (Coming of course after Pedro Martinez throws eight innings of no-hit ball, takes a line drive off his skull on the first pitch of the ninth, and the Cards score nine runs off the Red Sox bullpen to erase an 8-0 deficit in game seven.)

Wild Cards: Atlanta, Seattle
Just Missing: Green Bay, New Orleans

Playoffs:
The Falcons crush the Rams by 24 in the opening round. Bill Self is seen on the Falcons sideline, leading several Rams fans to say, “That fucker just can not lose in the state of Missouri.”
Matt Hasselbeck throws 16 interceptions as Carolina beats the Seahawks.
Terrell Owens drops a pass that would have given the Eagles a first down and the opportunity to kill the clock in the fourth quarter. Michael Vick scores the game-winning touchdown on a 60-yard run. The entire city of Philadelphia spontaneously combusts after the loss.
Randy Moss runs by the Carolina defensive backs all night and the Vikings squeak by the Panthers 45-44.
The NFC championship game turns into basketball on turf. Randy Moss scores six touchdowns; four on receptions, one on a reverse, and the last on a punt return late in the fourth quarter. Michael Vick accounts for six touchdowns as well, holds on field goals and PATs, drives the bus to the game, and tapes the team’s ankles before the game. Atlanta wins 56-52.

Super Bowl:
After a terrorist threat forces the game to be played in Lawrence, KS a week later than scheduled (Paul Tagliabue, “We knew no one would attend a football game there. It seemed like the safest place to go.”), America refuses to watch the game since it aired at the same time as the season premieres of both American Idol and Survivor. “The Game That Nobody Watched” becomes an instant classic, and the 5200 fans in attendance are rewarded as Michael Vick kicks a NFL record 65-yard field goal as time expires to give Atlanta a 9-7 win.

(Please note these predictions are for entertainment purposes only. My playoff teams are all accurate, but my playoff scenarios are pure folly. Were I a betting man, I’d wager on a final four of New England, Indy, Philly, and Minnesota, with Patriots winning their third title in four years.)

What Was I Thinking?

Fun With Accents

September 7, 2004 / DB

I had to call the Indianapolis Star today to update some information on our account. That means I finally got to call the number that’s been making me laugh for over a year: 444-4444. This is only funny if you’ve spent any time in St. Louis and heard how some natives of that fair city pronounce the number 4. It tends to come out more like “far” than “four”, making 40 sound like “farty”. Terrific fun for immature lads like myself. The Star has all kinds of clever ads that always include the phone number being sung in the background. S. and I crack each other up by singing along as if we were St. Louisians, “Far-far-far, farty-far, farty-far.”

M. got to watch her first episode of Jeopardy this evening (I forgot Monday night that new episodes were on again) so she finally got a chance to check out this Ken Jennings guy she’s heard so much about. I must say, it is comforting to see his smug mug back on the screen. My life had been a whirlwind since he left us; now all seems right again. He’s clearly a bit off his game, though, blowing over $21K on Final Jeopardy Monday and missing another final question tonight. He was even looking pissed when he had only a $1000 lead midway through Double Jeopardy. He then went on a patented run to open up a massive lead and proved he’s still got it. He’s like Jordan in 1993 or Tiger in 2000. He punishes his opponents.
I do have a theory about Mr. Jennings. I think he’s a government plant, and quite possibly a robot. He has an absolutely astounding range in his knowledge. He knows exactly when to buzz in so he beats his opponents, yet doesn’t come in too quick and risk being locked out. That ability to sift through massive amounts of trivia and ring in at exactly the right millisecond could be proof that there’s a microprocessor in his skull and not just grey matter like you and I have.
I’m not normally down with the whole conspiracy theory thing. I do think Lee Harvey Oswald had some help. When my favorite teams are losing to their archrivals and the officiating sucks, I tend to believe the fix is in. But in general, I think events take place due to the free will of humans rather than puppet masters pulling the strings from behind a dark curtain. However, in the climate that included the national depression caused by 9/11, the lagging economy, the discord in the run-up to the war in Iraq, and the general contentiousness that exists in this country today, unnamed sources in the halls of power decided it was time for action. It wasn’t done to benefit President Bush, John Kerry, members of Congress, or any other political entity. Ken Jennings was unleashed from a secret government lab to give us all something to believe in once again. I think we need to put his face on the flag, because he damn sure is saving this country. I pledge allegiance to you, Ken Jennings!
Remember where you heard it first. And spread the word in case I disappear in a mysterious accident after posting this information.

Quick Shots

September 6, 2004 / DB

Some quick thoughts after the long, holiday weekend.

The Oregon State kicker is either going to get more sympathy sex than anyone in the history of college sports or he’s going to jump off a building. No in-betweens after his performance against LSU.

I’m sure there was much “good natured ribbing” of KU fans back in KC, what with the basketball team scheduling its exhibition games in Canada the same weekend as the football season began. I bet there were many jokes about the 6,000 people who showed up at Memorial Stadium early to watch the basketball game told with a wink and a nod.

Another great thing about the Olympics is they allowed me to avoid all the preseason football hype this year. As loyal readers may recall, this time last year I stated my strong opposition for any football being played before Labor Day. I feel rather strongly that baseball should own the sporting world until the day after Labor Day. There are many high schools around here that had already played three games before Labor Day this year. I’m less militant this year because avoiding results for events I had not yet seen during the Olympics meant pretty much avoiding all preseason coverage of college and the pros. Still, the season starts too damn early.

Both IU and Purdue scored more than 40 points and Notre Dame lost this weekend. Fortunately, Purdue played on Sunday afternoon, otherwise there would have been many a sermon around here Sunday morning warning of Armageddon. Those three things happening on the same weekend have to be some kind of sign.

How very Yankee for the American League baseball club in New York to call for Tampa Bay to forfeit the first game of Monday’s doubleheader after they were delayed by Hurricane Frances. Not only do they blow apart the economics of baseball, but they also avoid the spirit of the game’s rules in order to gain a benefit (See also: Pine Tar Game).

There’s nothing I like about Vijay Singh. Now that he’s the #1 ranked golfer in the world, his already over inflated ego is going to get even larger. Come on, Tiger, get your ass in gear and start destroying people again.

I just read the Sports Illustrated feature on Jimmy Connors from a couple weeks back. I was always a huge McEnroe guy, so I hated Jimmy. I’ll give him this, though: he was interesting to watch, unlike most of today’s players.

I actually bought two books for general reading purposes over the weekend, so I hope to begin updating the List of Zen again soon. I picked up Chuck Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs after several recommendations and his recent work with Bill Simmons. I also got Greg Kot’s new book Wilco: Learning How to Die. I’m a sucker for books about bands I love.

So Long Corporate World

September 3, 2004 / DB

I just completed my exit interview, submitted my final time sheet, and am preparing to wrap up the last couple loose ends before I close the company laptop for good. Ending a six and a half year association with an employer comes with mixed feelings. I’ve made some great friends through work, I’ve experienced more success than failure, and made what I think is an impressive move from an entry-level associate making almost nothing to a well-respected customer facing associate that was fairly well paid. Along the way, however, I’ve grown disenchanted with the party line you’re forced to toe when you’re employed by a large company, I’ve been disappointed by the lack of recognition for individual accomplishment, and frustrated by the lip service large companies pay to ideas like work-life balance, associate’s needs coming before the company’s, and so on. All that said, I can’t imagine my life would be what it is today without all the good and bad I’ve experienced with my soon-to-be former employer. I just wish the stock price was higher (like the $60 range it trades in about once a year) before I unloaded all my options yesterday!

Despite having the past month off, I feel like things are going to be much different when the workweek starts for the rest of the world on Tuesday. There will be nothing to go back to for me. The constant that’s been there for so long is no longer hanging over me. I won’t think of what I need to accomplish the next day when I go to bed. I won’t dread getting out of bed each morning because I know there are 100 messages in my inbox I need to wade through before a 9:00 conference call.
For both part-time needs in the short term, and longer-term possibilities, I’ve started to explore the non-profit world a bit. If I am able to go to school, I’d like to be able to do something a couple days out of the week to knock out my tuition and other expenses (like all the stylish clothes I’ll have to buy if I’m attending classes with a bunch of 25 year olds). Whether the grad school route works or not, I can see myself working in the non-profit world full time. The idea of doing something that actually helps people at the end of the day greatly appeals to me. It could just be suburban, liberal guilt, but I hope it’s actually a true expression of my values that I’d rather not be beaten over the head to improve market share and stock price, but rather spending my time affecting the lives of people in a positive manner.

As I said a few weeks back when I shared my idea of returning to school, I’ve never been good at planning my career moves. Not only am I trying to develop a comprehensive plan for the first time in my life, but I’m also coming up with a plan B, which in many ways amazes me. In a perfect world, one day I’ll be a highly respected freelance writer, with articles, columns, and interviews being printed on a regular basis on topics that I choose. That would give me the opportunity to do something I love from the comfort of my home, satisfying goal #1 in my life: being an active and involved father who’s around the majority of the time. It’s scary to give up a job that kept me comfortably dressed and with a home full of fun toys, even if it is in pursuit of a dream that’s been deferred. It’s also exhilarating and exciting to start down that path with the wisdom of some life experience. Having a backup plan that could be equally satisfying is an incredibly comfortable feeling. As a friend of mine says, onwards and upwards. Today could very well be the start of something great in my life.

Happy Labor Day weekend to everyone. Have safe travels and celebrations wherever you are.