I’ve come at this a couple different ways and wasn’t terribly satisfied with the results, so I’ll give this a third shot and see what happens.
It was ten years ago today (February 22) that my mom was killed in a car accident. As with any anniversary, in some ways it seems like yesterday, and in others it seems like it’s been a lot longer than ten years. As I’ve thought about this, I realized that there is about a 14 hour stretch of time from that day where I remember everything that happened, that I thought, that I said, and that I did, beginning at 6:00 PM when my step-dad called and told me she had been in an accident. In that sense, it seems like it was just a week ago or so. But, when I look at all the things I’ve accomplished and experienced since then, though, I realize that it really has been a long time.
As most of you know, S.’s mom died 15 years ago this summer, and we talk often about what we’ve missed during the time since both our mothers passed. We both realized that our mothers are forever frozen in time. While S.’s dad and my step-dad have continued to age, my mom is still 46 and S.’s is still 53. It’s odd to wonder about what my mom would be like today if she had lived. Would she be healthy, what would she look like, how would her personality have changed as she aged? And, of course, as the time since her death gets greater and greater, it becomes harder and harder to visualize her, to hear her voice, and so on.
I don’t make a huge deal out of the date, because I think of her and miss her every day. I went through my grieving process and I’m not one to get sucked back into that. But I will think about her a little more today, hoping that I’m living up to her high standards most of the time and grateful that my life is as good as it is.