We went to the mall yesterday, and I noticed a display in the Victoria’s Secret window for a bra with “adjustable cleavage.” My first question, of course, was can I get a demonstration from an official VS spokesmodel? Since I was with my wife and two daughters, obviously I couldn’t ask out loud for that kind of thing. But it did get me thinking, and I’ve decided this could be the greatest invention ever. But, it also prompts some other questions.
First, how is the adjustment made? Is the bra like an old Reebok Pump, and the wearer needs to work a tiny pump with her thumb a few times to get the desired effect? Or, is it something simple like a zipper or velcro? Maybe a small crank. A motorized device triggered by a sliding switch? Or just a manual process that involves the wearer slipping some extra padding in?
Then, how are the settings labeled? Here are some ideas:
9-5 and Happy Hour (Get Noticed!™ Mode)
Business and Romance (Be a Knockout!™ Mode)
First Date and Third Date (Make Tonight The Night!™ Mode)
Everyday and Interview/Review (Get A Raise!™ Mode)
Meeting the parents and Meeting your ex and his new girlfriend (Make Him Jealous!™ mode)
Home maintenance being performed by contractors and Getting an estimate for said project (Get A Discount!™ Mode)
(First mode is obviously regular cleavage, second is enhanced cleavage.)