Time for another entry in the (very) occasional Ranking Shit series. This time I’m going to rank a few of my Old Man Tendencies that have popped up, or grown stronger, in recent years.

5 – Fussy About the Dishwasher
I’ve set some very clear standards on how our dishwasher should be loaded. But the other three (sometimes four) people who live with me just refuse to follow those guidelines. To be clear, if you are a guest at our house and you are kind enough to load the dishwasher after a meal, I do not care how you do it. I will appreciate the gesture. I may correct your effort later in secret, but I will not be annoyed by it. But my immediate family? They all know better.

4 – Fussy About Clothes
It’s a real Larry David situation with me and clothes. If a shirt is off by even a half inch, it can drive me crazy. This includes being a half inch too long, too short, too wide, too narrow. Anything that doesn’t seem to fit perfectly will make me fidgety and cranky. Don’t get me started how one brand’s large is another brand’s extra large is a third brand’s medium…

3 – People Who Get Confused About Trash Day And Holidays
Our trash comes on Tuesdays. I die a little each time I see a neighbor dragging their cans out on Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc.

To be honest, I revel in the smugness that comes with always knowing the proper trash day way more than I get perturbed by those people who can’t get it right.

2 – People Driving Without Headlights When It Is Dark
Seriously, you’re going to kill someone! And headlights are automatic these days: you have made a choice to turn them off. Which makes you an asshole.

This could be a whole section about traffic in general, but this point in particular really gets me going.

1 – I Report A Shitload of Potholes to the Indianapolis Department of Public Works On Their Official App
And then I brag to my daughters when ones that I flagged get repaired. They really love that.