Tag: health (Page 2 of 4)

The Old Man and The Scale

August 11, 2022 / DB

L went back to school yesterday. M and C started classes today. Thus our academic summer has ended. Which makes this the perfect day for a post I’ve wanted to share for quite awhile. It will be extra navel-gazey, so feel free to skip if you prefer my writings about music, sports, books, etc. to those about being a middle-aged man.

When Covid began and our gym shut down, I was still able to use our modest home equipment to workout. But when I began having my vertigo spells about 20 months ago, I had to stop doing any regular exercise. With this came a depressingly quick increase in my weight. It took just a couple months to gain 15 pounds. That was doubly frustrating because I had largely cut out drinking at the same time.[1] I had hoped the calories saved by not drinking would balance out the lack of exercise, but clearly that was not the case.

I went back to the gym after getting vaccinated in April 2021 and slowly got back into a routine. When the girls returned to school a year ago I dedicated myself to a new strength training and cardio program and was as diligent as I’ve ever been about getting to the gym. In fact, the stretch from August through November 2021 was the most, and most consistently, I had ever worked out up to that point. I hoped by the time we went to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, I would be back to my pre-vertigo weight.

A weird thing happened: no matter how much I worked out, or how much I increased my cardio sessions, my weight stayed in the same 1–3 pound range. This bugged me because my entire life, anytime I gained a few extra lbs., I was always able to shed them quickly. Hell, after L was born I lost about 30 pounds in three months.

But I never had to do it in my late 40s or early 50s, which apparently makes a big difference. Who knew???[2]

I adjusted my diet slightly, continued to drink only occasionally, and stuck with the workouts. Still no real change.

In November I found a new strength workout for older dudes and threw myself into it. I also found a new elliptical workout that promised to burn calories, the elliptical machine being the cardio workout that protects my joints the most. I got stronger, improved my cardio fitness, but my weight refused to drop.

When we got back from spring break I was still in that three pound window I had been stuck in for over a year. I did my best to reduce snacks, take smaller portions at dinner, be careful with the late evening nibbles. I kept alcohol to a few nights a week, and then generally just one drink. I also found another, more intense, elliptical workout and subbed it in once per week.

These changes all finally had an effect.

By mid April I had lost five pounds. By May 1 I was down another three pounds. By L’s last day of school in May, I was officially down 10 pounds.

Although L wanted to start working out with me, I had some worries about keeping the weight off over the summer. Summer brings more pool parties, which means more drinks and treats. I’m not a big dessert guy anymore, but I do eat ice cream fairly often in the summer. Plus L really isn’t into cardio so I figured I would go from getting an elliptical session in 2–3 times per week down to just once.

I am pleased to report that my weight loss continued through the summer. In fact, just two weeks ago I got down to within two-tenths of a pound of my lowest weight since I started tracking it on my phone, back in June 2019. I had officially lost 15.3 pounds from my highest weight in November 2020.

Pretty good!

Shorts that were tight when we went on spring break fit perfectly now. A couple pairs that had more space in them have been put away since they hang far too loose for me to wear.[3]

My routine did get upset over the summer. The strength program I was on is designed to protect older men’s joints by mostly using free weights. Since L is not old enough to get into the free weight area at our gym, I did more machines with her, which has caused more aches and pains in my sensitive joints that I had over the past year.[4] I’m looking forward to jumping back into my Old Man program on Monday.

So that’s my bragging, self improvement post. I understand my schedule allows for a lot more opportunities to workout that many of yours do. But if you are looking to improve your fitness or lose a little weight, maybe this will serve as confirmation that it is still possible in middle age if you put in the time and find the right program.

Having a few drinks when you are already dizzy kind of sucks. ↩
Narrator: “Everyone knew this.” ↩
Major pet peeve: every pair of pants or shorts that is listed as having a specific waist size should fit the same. I swear there’s a five-inch range in the actual waist sizes on my various pairs of bottoms, all of which have the exact same listed measurement. ↩
She can’t wait to turn 14 and be old enough to finally do a “real bench press.” ↩

Weekend Sports Notes

January 17, 2022 / DB

A lot of sports notes from the weekend. I should probably split this into a couple different posts. But it is a holiday and we all have a little extra time. So one extra-large post it is!

Kid Hoops

L played in her first-ever AAU tournament over the weekend. Or rather it was a “shootout”: a one-day, round-robin event focused more on getting teams games than declaring a champion.

Her coach told us that this was just a chance to get the girls together for the first time and get a feel for the roster. Seven of the ten girls played together last year. The girls haven’t had a proper practice together, just some light work at the end of their program’s twice-monthly, age-group training sessions.[1] Making it even more fun, L’s team is a 7th grade B team and this was an 8th grade A shootout. The coach stressed not to worry about the results, this was just about getting the girls on the court.

L had been really impressed with her teammates after their training sessions. After the most recent one she came home raving that all the girls were good and, most importantly, all of them knew how to run the offense. It drives her nuts that half the girls on her other team – let’s call them Jr T’s to differentiate – don’t run the plays correctly. We had a talk about playing time last week. She claimed she was fine not playing as many minutes for a chance to play with better players. I was glad that was her mental state. I told her if she doesn’t start and/or play much, that will give her the motivation to work harder to improve.

Her squad had three games Saturday. First game we played a team that was at least mixed with seventh and eighth graders. But their eighth graders were big. BIG. L had played against some of these girls in CYO ball before and I’m pretty sure they smoked us then.

We had eight of our players for game one. L’s St P’s buddy started, as she is our tallest player, but L was on the bench. The game started ugly. The other team pressed the hell out of our girls and we could not break it. We were down 8–0 or 10–0 before we even got a shot up. L checked in and didn’t help much, mostly because she didn’t get the ball. Another girl played lead guard spot and was not used to looking at L for help.

L played one shift without doing much. She came back in with about 5:00 to play and we were down 15–0. She got the ball in the deep corner, went baseline, and threw up a little floater than she has gone about 1–50 on this academic year. This time she swished it and we were on the board. She had a little grin on her face as she ran up cord.

A few moments later she got ahead of the break, received a great pass, and laid it in. In the last minute of the half, she got open on the wing from about 15 feet and drilled the J. It was 21–8 at half and L had six of the points, going 3–3 from the field.

She started the second half. She wasn’t as lucky this time, missing a tough layup, having a short jumper blocked, and badly bricking two free throws. She seemed to be meshing with her teammates more, though. We lost 43–20 but, again, expectations were low. She was pleased after the game.

Following an hour break and quick trip to Chipotle, it was back on the court against and all–8th grade team from Terre Haute. These girls were even bigger, and better. Everyone knew where to be on every play. They would get an offensive rebound, whip it to an open girl behind the arc, and she would drain the 3. Or the girl with the ball would draw the defense and then hit a cutter with no one on her. We lost this game 62–11 and it really wasn’t that close.

L started and again scored six points on a layup, a jumper, and two free throws. She also rebounded pretty well despite their size, made a couple nice passes, and even blocked the shot of one of their biggest girls.

Another hour off before the last game, against another big, all 8th grade squad. These girls looked super impressive warming up. Just as big as the previous team but more athletic and with a couple fast, small guards.

That team did not play to its ability. Or our girls just figured something out. We only had seven players for this game and they looked gassed at times. But they played hard, never trailed by more than 15, and closed strong to only lose 46–37. L started and scored seven this time, including a nice and-one that she cashed the free throw for. She also missed the front end of a one-and-one in the final minute putting her at 3–6 from the line for the day. She rebounded her ass off, probably her best rebounding game ever.

Her St P’s buddy – her name also begins with L so I need to come up with a way to identify her – had a nice basket at the hoop that she converted despite getting mugged. After the ref called the foul, L ran over and shoved her buddy, and sent her right into the girl that fouled her. That girl was not as excited about the play as our girls were. Fortunately L started laughing so there was no drama.

So a pretty good first day with the new team. L went from sitting the bench to starting five-straight halves. I’m not sure how good the two girls we were missing are. One of the other dads told me the coach had told him whoever started the third game would be his starters going forward. Who knows how that will work and when this team will play again, but I was proud of L for at least putting her name in the mix.

She struggled a bit in the half court sets. But, to be fair, most of the team did, even the returning girls. There was a lot of two girls standing in one spot or someone away from the ball bringing their defender to the ball instead of away. That will get worked out in time. When we got home I showed her videos of Kansas and Golden State running their weave offenses so she could understand how to pass in those sets. She kept bounce passing rather than tossing or handing off since she had never seen that kind of motion offense before.[2]

She proved to her teammates and coach that she deserves minutes. In fact, this was probably the best she’s played this school year. By my math she scored 28% of their points for the day. On the way home she noted, “It’s kind of weird I played better against 8th grade teams than I have against 7th grade teams.”

I’m hoping she can take that confidence and apply it to her Jr T’s team, which is all seventh graders from several Catholic schools. She was super frustrated about her play after their game last week. They play again tonight so we shall see.

Her AAU team may not play again for awhile. Most of the girls are on some kind of school team at the moment. They’ll have skill sessions and light practices every two weeks. The coach said they won’t really dive into things hard as a team until March and most of their play will come over the summer.

There was also a sixth grade boys shootout going on, and they played on the other courts and between L’s game. Those games are nuts. It’s all pressing and running flat out and chucking threes. Some of those kids are insanely talented, light years beyond what anyone I ever played with or against in sixth grade could do. I’m usually pro fast-paced offense in all sports (see below), but this was a little much. And those games are sooooo sloppy. Most of the coaches are psycho. Another check in the Better to Have Girls Than Boys column.

Orthodonture

L got her top braces put on last week, so these were her first games with them in. I asked her orthodontist if she should wear any kind of protection. Neither of her sisters played a contact sport when they had their braces so I never worried about it. He said you can get special guards, but he didn’t think it was worth it. At her games Saturday I noticed more than half her team had braces, and no one was wearing a guard. OK, then. I broke my glasses multiple times, and had to get stitches once when the frames sliced my eyebrow open, playing middle school ball. Teeth were never my issue.

KU

I missed the KU-West Virginia game while sitting through all the AAU ball. I did get the nervous texts from friends about the Twitter rumors that Remy Martin was out for the year. Wouldn’t be a college sports season without some kind of off-the-court drama.

I won’t get into the Remy stuff for now since it seems confusing and a little over-the-top at the moment.

I followed the score and then watched the recording on Sunday morning. That was a great performance by KU, likely their best of the season. It was, I think, the first time all year three players have balled-out at the same time. Who would have guessed that David McCormack and Jalen Wilson would be two of those?!?! I don’t think West Virginia is as good as their 13–2 second coming in indicated. Still, to hammer any Big 12 team by nearly 30 this year deserves a few minutes of satisfaction.

And on a day when Baylor lost their second-straight conference game, and Texas Tech also lost. A week ago it looked like Baylor would run away with the league. They might still do that; when healthy they are probably the most complete team in the conference. But, as Kansas State beating Tech and Iowa State being a couple shots away from being undefeated show, the Big 12 is going to be an absolute meat grinder this year.

I like that the conference is good, but I hate the way it is good: with seven or eight teams playing insane defense. That turns games into ugly slogs that are hard to watch. I guess that’s a good thing for the tournament, as playing non-conference teams will seem like a breeze after getting worked over by Big 12 teams for nearly three months. I certainly won’t complain if KU somehow comes out of this with another conference title, since that almost guarantees a one or two seed in the NCAA’s. I do reserve the right to complain about the aesthetics along the way. Especially if KU turns into a pumpkin in four or five of these games.

NFL Playoffs

The only game I watched much of was the Niners-Cowboys game, which was awesome as a neutral. The final, what, 18 minutes, were just tremendously stupid and entertaining.

Long-time readers will recall that I grew up a Cowboys fan, but have deserted them a couple times in my life. It’s been 12–14 years so I fully abandoned them because of Jerry Jones’ nonsense. But two of my college buddies I constantly text are Cowboys fans so at least watch their games these days so I can keep up with the conversation. I do enjoy watching the Fighting Jerrys lose, though. Especially in painful manner.

That was about the most painful loss possible. Get down big, early, at home. Get a break or two that allows you back in the game. Do some dumb stuff along the way. Then have your final shot to attempt to win the game taken away in a truly unique way. Running a quarterback draw with 14 seconds left and no timeouts, then watching the clock run out while the referee sets the ball has to be one of the five dumbest ways to lose an NFL game.

As I said above, I’m generally pro-offense, and enjoy all these wide-open offenses that make football so entertaining. But do we have to label all these coordinators and coaches as geniuses when they are constantly getting in their own way by trying to be too clever? Dallas converts a fake punt and then keeps the punt team on the field to try to confuse San Fransisco and ends up with a delay of game penalty that means their next fourth down is too far to go for it. And the Niners send a tackle in motion on a fourth and inches, which caused an illegal motion penalty and forced them to punt and give Dallas one final chance to win. Neither play was remotely necessary, and just examples of coaches thinking “Hey! I’ve got this great look no one has ever thought of before!” And using it in a high-stress situation that it has never been practiced under. Just dumb all around. And terribly fun to watch since I did not care who won.

I’m no expert, but the Bills-Chiefs game seems like it could be pretty good.

We didn’t put a ton of research into picking a travel hoops program. We just asked a parent we knew where his two girls played and signed up there. But L’s program just had their first “graduate” commit to a D1 program. And it was a doozy. A high school junior who is ranked in the top five in the country committed to UConn two weeks ago. Girl must be a badass if she’s committing as a junior. I’m expecting nothing less than a full-ride for L now. ↩
I even sent her a GIF of KU running it and told her to watch it five times a day. ↩

Current Status: Vaccinated

April 12, 2021 / DB

I received my second Pfizer vaccine shot on Friday. WHOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!

No issues, other than a sore arm. I’ve heard wildly varying stories from others who have already been through both shots. S and several other friends got wiped out by shot #2. In her case, she felt achy and sore and lethargic for about 24 hours. Another friend was out for two days with similar symptoms. However several other folks have reported no issues.

The arm soreness woke me up Friday night when I tried to lay on my left side, but otherwise was noticeable but less intense than the soreness after my first shot.

I don’t know if it made a difference, but I did get the shot in the opposite arm from my first. A friend of a friend who is a virologist suggested that doing so would reduce the arm pain. Just an FYI for those of you who are still waiting to get your second (or in some cases first) shot.

We also got M her first shot last Monday. Indiana opened up eligibility to everyone over 16 two weeks ago. Initially we had her scheduled to get her first shot on May 3 through the state. But a co-worker of S said to check the websites of places like CVS as they were rapidly opening up their schedules. We did and got M moved up by three weeks. She had no issues, not even soreness, with the first shot. I hope she has my luck on #2 as well, because she is scheduled for a Monday and I’d hate her to lose a day or two of school because of a reaction to the vaccine.[1]

As with the first shot, I was filled with happiness as I left the vaccine facility Friday. From the reading I’ve done the experts think the first Pfizer shot provides pretty good protection. The second shot plus a couple weeks means a much more normal life is rapidly approaching.

Along those lines, I re-started my gym membership last week. I talked to a couple friends who had still been going regularly for the past eight months. They said the Y does a good job of keeping things clean, spreading people out, etc. I figured if these ladies have been going multiple times a week for eight months, without a vaccine, and have stayed healthy, it was probably safe for me to go back.

I worked out twice last week. The gym is definitely way less crowded than it was when I last went 56 weeks ago. I was worried about getting access to machines because so much of the cardio equipment is blocked off for distancing measures, but both times I walked in and stepped right onto an elliptical and got to work. It looks like a lot of people are still staying away.

We’ve also made our first plans to go out to dinner with friends in two weeks.

I will continue to wear a mask when out for the time being. Indiana dropped the mask mandate last week, although it is still in place in Indianapolis. I took L to Dick’s in Carmel to go shoe shopping yesterday, and there were quite a few people already walking around without masks. Despite the big signs when you walk in that the store still requires masks.

I try not to mask shame. Who knows, everyone I saw without a mask may have had their second shot two weeks ago, right?

It saddens me how selfish we are as a country. “You can’t make me wear a mask, it violates my personal freedom!” No one likes wearing a mask, but is it really that big of an inconvenience? I wear glasses and have to deal with them fogging up every time I wear a mask. It is annoying as hell, but it’s a temporary hassle towards the greater good. I don’t get why so many people can only look out for themselves and fail to understand that a little personal pain means we save lives plus get back to that normal quicker.

That said, I think this is a time for potentially great joy. Hopefully the reluctant idiots don’t counter the power of the vaccines and keep us in a lengthy cycle of flare-ups and mini-shut downs. We should be in awe of how quickly the vaccines were developed, tested, produced in mass quantities, and then rolled out. There were plenty of errors along the way. Yet here we are, 14 months after America began to shut down, and we are racing toward a majority of the country carrying a defense mechanism against Covid–19.

Along the way we made rapid changes to our lives, many of which were extremely difficult. But most of us bought in because we care about more than ourselves, and realize that all 350 million of us are in this together, whether we like it or not. If I was still young and idealistic I would start dreaming that this could be a jumping-off point for us to do other great things. Alas…

Mondays remain virtual days at CHS, so she’ll just take a long lunch that day. ↩

Whoa, We’re Halfway There…

March 17, 2021 / DB

One shot down, one to go.

That’s right, I am 50% of the way to being fully vaccinated against Covid 19!

Indiana dropped the age limit to 45 yesterday. A friend, who also turns 50 this June, told me Monday night he heard rumors the state would be dropping the requirement below 50 Tuesday morning. He got up early, checked the state health department’s website, and just before 8:00 it updated to say Hoosiers 45 and up were now eligible. He and his wife signed up, then texted me the news.

While most of the vaccine sites on our side of town are booked out for weeks, the big facility on the IU-Methodist medical campus downtown had plenty of times that day. I immediately grabbed one at the same time they were headed down. Seconds after I booked my time I got a notification from the Indy Star saying the age limit had dropped. About an hour later the health system S works in sent me a text saying I could sign up. I felt like I had gotten one over on the world!

M had not left for school yet, and when I told her she got super excited, which was nice.

I texted S, telling her that I had an appointment and her response was “Today?” You might wonder if she had given me some inside dope on when the age limit would drop, but being in the pediatric world she has no idea what’s going on in adult medicine. She, too, was happy when I confirmed that I indeed had an appointment later in the day.

Around noon I headed downtown, got in line, waited about 20 minutes to get checked in, got my shot, then waited with my friends in the auditorium until our 15 minute buffer period had passed to make sure we didn’t have reactions.

My arm was sore last night, and again this morning. More sore than from any recent flu shot, to be honest. Worth it, though.

S had no issues after her first shot in December, but the second knocked her out for a day. I scheduled my second shot for a Friday just in case I have issues, too. I’d rather waste a weekend day on the couch than have to navigate a day filled with pickups and drop-offs while feeling like shit.

The lady who was checking my insurance information asked if I was excited. I told her that I was. In fact I was a little surprised at how excited I was. The past year has had its struggles, but no one in our immediate family has been sick. I like to read and watch movies and hang out in our home/yard, so being home hasn’t been a huge burden on me.

I have, though, been worried about catching Covid. Odds are high that I would be fine, or maybe suffer for a few days and then bounce right back. I know it’s not just a “strong flu,” though, and was not interested in putting myself or my family through a situation where my body could not fight the infection and it became a problem. Our family, like most of you, have done some things that probably aren’t super safe. We’ve flown to Florida once and are about to do it again, for example. We’ve let our girls go to small sleepovers and birthday parties or just hang out with friends. But we have generally done a very good job of minimizing situations where we put ourselves at risk. A lot of that has been my insistence.

What has bothered me has been our inability to eat out, our lack of face-to-face socialization with friends, and not being able to go to the gym. Especially the gym. I’ve worked out at home but it’s not the same, especially on the cardio side of things. I can’t run much anymore, so not being able to use an elliptical machine has taken away my one way to really burn some calories. Throw in vertigo, which has prevented me doing from much cardio at all the past four months, and I’m pushing the most I’ve ever weighed. It’s nice to be tall and be able to hide it a bit, but I’m not sure I’ll go shirtless on the beach much next week.

The first thing I thought of when I scheduled my second shot was that I can start going back to the gym the following week. Hopefully my vertigo will continue to get better over that span. That, combined with three weeks of vaccine in me, will make me feel comfortable enough to un-pause my Y membership. I have several friends who have continued to work out, and they say the Y does a really good job of keeping equipment clean and the people inside safe. That just seemed like too much risk to me, though, so I’ve not been inside the gym in 53 weeks.

I’m excited that after another three weeks I can end that streak.

Also, hooray science!

The Pains of Getting Older: A (Long) Health Update

March 3, 2021 / DB

A couple weeks back I alluded to a health procedure I was about to go through and promised to share details down the road. I just wrapped up my seventh visit to a health care professional over the past two months, have an idea what is going on, and can finally give you an update on what’s going on with my body.

Sometime last fall I started feeling “different.” I was having frequent headaches, my vision was often funky, I was always tired, I had weakness in my legs, and had occasional spells of vertigo. I figured the headaches were because of new glasses, the fatigue from my sleep apnea, and the vertigo was brief and random. Put all that together and I didn’t worry about it too much. Minor annoyances that seemed to pass and I figured they would work themselves out.

By Thanksgiving they were getting more pronounced, so I mentioned them to S and asked if I should start with getting my glasses re-checked or touching base with my cardiologist. Since new glasses seemed to be the trigger, we started there. My eye doc checked my prescription and made a small adjustment, but didn’t think glasses should be causing me all those issues. I got new lenses right before Christmas and immediately everything got much worse. Crushing headaches, much worse vertigo, and a general malaise. The weekend before Christmas I pretty much sat in bed or on the couch all day because moving around made me feel so bad.

Now S was very concerned. She worked that Monday and talked to my doc on the family medicine side, who said I needed to come in right away. Because a few of my symptoms fell under the large Covid umbrella, I had to see the “sick” doc rather than my normal PCP. He tested me for Covid (negative), had some blood work done, and referred me to a neurologist. Trying to schedule with a specialist around the end/beginning of the year is a huge pain and I wasn’t able to see her until late January.

In the meantime I decided I didn’t have anything to lose and went back to my old glasses. Almost immediately the headaches went away. It took about three weeks for my eyes to adjust, but suddenly my vision wasn’t an issue. But the vertigo was still there, and pretty much a daily, constant occurrence compared the the momentary spells I began with in October.

When I met with the neurologist, she sent me to do both a VNG balance test and a brain MRI. In the VNG testing you wear goggles that track the movement of your eyes while both following moving objects and as you sit/lie in various positions while both hot and cold air is blown into your ears. Weird, right?

When I scheduled my MRI they asked if I was claustrophobic. I laughed and said, “I guess we’ll find out.” I didn’t think I was but I also had heard that an MRI tube can be uncomfortable.

I arrived for the MRI and the techs asked if I wanted to watch TV or listen to music. I figured with my glasses off TV would be useless so I asked for music. They asked if I wanted a warm blanket. That seemed silly – the room was plenty warm – so I declined. They said the tests would take about 30 minutes total. I’d do one without contrast that would take about 15 minutes, they’d slide me out, pop an IV in, and then send me back in for 15 more minutes. Seemed easy enough.

I laid down, they put the gear on my head, and slid me inside the tube. My first reaction was that the top of the tube was close to my face. Very close. I wasn’t sure I liked that very much. The techs were patting my legs to let me know that most of my body was outside and reminded me I had a button to squeeze if I needed anything. I took a deep breath. Then I thought, “I should push that button.” But that’s stupid, I’m safe and it hasn’t even been a minute yet. “Just chill out you loser.”

They called over the intercom and said they were warming up the equipment so I would likely hear some loud noises and we’d get started in about a minute. “I can do 15 minutes of this.” I thought.

But I kept having an urge to sit up, which was impossible with that wall three inches from my face. Fifteen minutes suddenly seemed like a very long time.

After talking myself down a few more times, my body finally said “Hell no!” I didn’t have a full-on panic attack, but I definitely wanted to get the fuck out of that tube. I fought it for another 20 seconds or so then squeezed the buzzer and told them I didn’t feel very comfortable.

They rushed in, got me out, and immediately began comforting me. “It’s no big deal, this happens a lot. Just have your physician prescribe a sedative and reschedule.”

I felt like a big dumbass. I think I was in the tube between 60 and 90 seconds. I texted S to let her know what happened. When she got home that night she said her partners all said, “MRI’s suck! They didn’t automatically sedate him? That’s crazy!” Where was this advice before I went in?!?!

I rescheduled for a day S could drive me, about 10 days later. I’m not exaggerating: at least five times in that stretch I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking about the MRI tube. I saw no way this was going to work out well.

On the day of my second attempt I took one of the two tabs of Xanax my doctor prescribed me 90 minutes before the test. After an hour I didn’t feel any different. The label said I could take the second if needed. When I told S I was still nervous she said, “Take it, you dumbass!” So I popped it and we headed to the imaging center.

Because of Covid she couldn’t go in with me and I was on my own. I’ve heard that Xanax makes some people very mellow and sleepy. Not me, I was edgy and wide awake. I did not see any scenario in which this worked out.

When I entered the MRI room, I opted for the TV goggles, hoping not seeing the tube wall would help me stay relaxed. I accepted the warm blanket. And since I had failed once I think the guys moved a little quicker than normal. I watched ESPN’s NBA show The Jump for about 15 minutes, remained calm, and survived the MRI. When I got home I took a two-hour nap. I guess the sedative effects of the Xanax finally kicked in.

Expert advice: if you need to have an MRI, ask for the sedative!

I should back up for a moment. When things got bad in December, S said she was worried that some of my symptoms were indicative of multiple sclerosis. I was worried I had a brain tumor. On the nights when my headaches were especially painful I would search for brain cancer symptoms, treatments, and prognoses. Uplifting stuff!

I got the MRI results the night of my test. It was pretty clean. No signs of MS or tumors or other red-flags. That was a huge relief.

I had not seen the results of my VNG testing yet, but my neurologist’s assistant called and shared that it showed I have peripheral vertigo. She referred me to a balance therapist. I had my first therapy session last week, and while there was told that I have some fairly significant damage to the vestibular nerve in one of my ears, and that was the most likely cause of my vertigo/balance issues. They started me on a regimen of exercises that are designed to retrain my brain to work around this damage.

What’s weird about that is I haven’t experienced any of the triggers the therapist suggested can cause this damage: a sudden, high fever; an infection; some kinds of antibiotics. And while this is not related to my auditory nerves, I also haven’t had any noticeable hearing loss in that ear. Well, aside from the usual stuff an almost 50-year-old who has listened to lots of loud music would have.

I’ve been doing the exercises three times a day. For the first couple days I noticed an immediate improvement, which seemed too good to be true. Perhaps it was a mirage, because the last three days I’ve been as off-balance as I’ve ever been.

I met with my neurologist’s nurse practitioner this morning to go over everything. She said based on the combination of MRI and VNG results, they were very confident the nerve damage was the explanation. She said she has never seen anyone fail to get better after going through the therapy process. I asked about the causes, since I had not had any kind of traumatic experience, and she said it is kind of a mystery: some people go through a singular event that triggers it, in others it appears without explanation. And it can happen in healthy people just as easily as people who already have issues.

It has been a rather strange 4–5 months. These issues all fall into the “annoyance” category rather than being truly debilitating. There are certain situations that I know will trigger things. When the symptoms kick in I feel very “off,” but it’s not like I am unable to do normal activities. They just feel very different and I have to take some extra care. While I feel off-balance, I never feel like I’m going to fall. I’ve had to cut back my workout routine a bit. Which is annoying in the winter when the extra pounds add up far too easily. I will head to Florida in two weeks at my highest-ever spring break weight.

I’m hopeful my medical team is correct on the cause and that the treatment will in fact get my brain to work around the issue so I can move beyond this.

I also had my annual check-up with my cardiologist two weeks ago. Since I had the two episodes of irregular heartbeat in 2019, I haven’t had any repeats. Or at least ones of the length that sent me in to get my heart tested. Every now and then I’ll feel my heart do something odd, but whether that is truly my Afib kicking in, or it’s just me being more sensitive to normal variances I do not know. My EKG came back clean. Blood pressure probably a tick higher than ideal, but in line with where it has been. She said to stick with my CPAP as it’s the best thing I can do to keep my heart in proper rhythm. I hate the CPAP – S really hates it – but if it keeps me healthy it is worth it.

Bottom line: getting old kind of sucks as your body does weird things. But I know I’m lucky that, so far, all my issues have been identifiable, manageable, and not life threatening. As I prepare to enter my sixth decade, that’s about all I can ask for.

Weekend and Kid Notes

October 6, 2020 / DB

A lot of ground to cover so let’s get into it.

Today is a first: first sick kid day of the year. M is home for the first time in her high school career with an upset stomach. L also seems to be getting a cold, which is delightful. Usually C is the first to fall when illnesses begin circulating. The 2020 primary parental hope is that one symptom doesn’t turn into two, which turns into quarantining and testing and whatnot. It is nice to have a physician in the house so we can get the paperwork signed to get M back in school quick if this passes without developing into something worse.

Busy, busy few days for L.

Friday she got contacts. S and I pushed them as we were worried about her continuing to play sports in glasses. I had at least three sports injuries related to glasses and I’m not sure how L has avoided having anything worse than her glasses go flying in the midst of a game.

She isn’t wearing them 100% of the time, which is fine. Not sure why she prefers glasses but in time she may figure out how much more convenient contacts are, and how her vision is generally better with them. I sure wish my eyes would tolerate contacts so I could go back.

Saturday was her birthday. She had a few friends over to help celebrate. Since she’s a unique kid it was a coed party, three girls and two boys. They did a competitive obstacle course that took up a good chunk of time. Although it was cool outside, we cranked the pool heat up and they swam for a little while.

Then she had basketball games Sunday and Monday.

Sunday they played a school that is usually really good and which they have never beaten in three previous attempts. We had adjusted the offense in practice to counter the team’s pressing and trapping. Thus it was 100% predictable that the first time our girls faced the press they totally panicked and did exactly the opposite of what we taught them.

The first three minutes were super chaotic. But when we called a timeout we were only down 4–0. Our girls settled down and finally got a few things to work. They caught a big break when the best player on the other team – who is really, really good – ran into a screen at full speed and got laid out, landing on two fingers that were already injured. She sat on the bench for the last four minutes of the first half and we took advantage. We went on an 11–4 run and had the lead at halftime.

The other team’s stud came back in to start the second half and they quickly erased the lead. The third quarter was your standard mess of a middle school game. They took the lead, we took it back, there were lots of turnovers, plenty of bad shots, at least 58 held ball whistles.

We were down two early in the second half. L was breaking the trap, barreling up the sideline at full speed, guarded by their best player. Another defender stepped up to trap her and L cut back to her right. The approaching defender ran into her at full speed and their heads conked. L went down on the floor crying, holding her face. It took about a minute to get her up. There was no blood, but she was in a ton of pain. She subbed out and never came back in. That two point deficit turned into a nine-point loss.

It wasn’t just because of her absence, although since we only have two legit guards right now (our third is quarantining after her dad tested positive) it made it awfully tough to attack the press and traps. She was our leading scorer with six, but I’m not sure it would have mattered.

But, hey, it was instant proof that wearing contacts was a good thing. Her glasses would have been crunched in that collision if she had them on. Her cheek is pretty bruised and sore, though.

Monday we played a team that we beat by five last year. We thought most of that team’s good players were in 7th grade now so expected an easy win. Which seemed like a correct assessment for most of the game. We had a girl who looked utterly lost all day Sunday have the game of her life, scoring 14. We looked great on defense. St C had some size and were killing us on the boards but after six or seven offensive rebounds, we would finally grab a loose ball and get out and run.

Midway through the fourth quarter we were up 26–12.

And then something flipped. A girl for St C who hadn’t done a damn thing the entire game other than rebound suddenly started posting up, drop-stepping, and laying the ball in or drawing a foul and then hitting free throws. Our girls stopped running any offense and were getting lost on defense. Still, it was 26–19 with about two minutes left. We were still going to win this thing, right?

St C began pressing. It was a decent press, mostly because they were tall and it was hard to see/pass over it. But it wasn’t as good as the press we saw Sunday. Yet our girls kept doing exactly the wrong thing. If we threw the ball in to a forward, the guards would run up court and leave her to figure out the press on her own. If the girl playing point got the ball, she would dribble into the half court trap. When L got the ball in half court, she would drive into a triple team. We threw some absolutely awful cross court passes that turned into steals. Twice the head coach muttered to me, “What the fuck are we doing?” It was a little stressful!

Fortunately, again, this is middle school basketball. All those mistakes only gave St C’s like a 15% chance of scoring, and the clock was on our side. They hit two free throws with four seconds left to cut it to 26–24. We called a time out to set up a play. We told the girls very clearly, after the ball comes in, everyone else race down court. Whoever has the ball should throw it long. We don’t care if we catch it or not, we just want the clock to run. Naturally three girls ran the wrong way on the inbound play, the ball comes into a girl who should not have it, she takes two dribbles without ever looking up court, and the ball gets knocked out of bounds. Thank goodness it went off the defender. There were only 0.6 seconds left. This time we threw the ball long and the clock ran out.

Seriously, girls…

Weird how bad we felt after the game. We played a great game for 18–19 minutes. But those last 5–6 wiped out all the positives. Oh well, we are 2–1 going into the stupid three-week break because Catholic schools in Indy can’t get on the same fall break schedule and CYO has decided it’s too hard to work around kids being gone. You know, if we played basketball at the right time of year this wouldn’t be a problem…

With L now in sixth grade I can no longer volunteer at the school library (only K–5 have library time). I don’t think they’re allowing parents into the library anyway, and the old librarian, who was my Missouri buddy, retired. There are still chances for parents to help out, though, and I took advantage Friday and Monday.

Friday was an 8th grade fundraising lunch to earn funds for the Washington DC trip. Five eighth grade parents helped serve the lunches over a two hour stretch. It was funniest to see the little kids, since I’m not in the part of the school ever. Those kindergartners are tiny! There are the kids who are totally clueless and the ones who want to chat you up. I enjoyed the older girls who know me from kickball saying “Hi Mr B!”

But the best was when the daughter of L’s head coach walked by. She’s a second grader and has known me since L and her sister first played together three years ago and she would come to after-school practices. She also has a big personality and is a little sassy. I was standing at the fruit and chips table when I heard someone say, “‘Sup?” I looked down and there was little M. She nodded her head, tossed her hair, and walked away. I about pissed myself.

Monday I was on lunch duty for L’s class. This involves taking them to lunch and recess for an hour so the teachers can have a break. Luckily it was a gorgeous day so they could eat and play outside.

It was interesting watching the two classes break into groups. The girls are mostly one large group, with another smaller group just to the side. A few girls are quieter and sit on the periphery but are still in the main circle. But there is generally one big conversation with everyone laughing and having fun.

A majority of the boys had one, big, dumbass group. I say dumbass because most of those kids are dumbasses. I think their parents would agree. But all the weird boys were in their own area, spread out but within talking distance so they could argue when any one of them said anything. I’m sure all wasn’t perfect in that big girls group, but they at least put up a display of togetherness. It’s kind of brutal to see how kids are excluded, whether by their own choice or because the bigger group has pushed them out. I mean, most of these kids in the outcast group are super weird. But you want to tell the bigger group “Hey, sometimes weird friends are the coolest friends to have.”

Some Firsts

February 26, 2020 / DB

We’ve gone through a series of firsts in recent days.

Sunday M and I knocked out two firsts together.

She recently told us that she would like to try playing tennis. As in for her high school, not just for fun or as part of some open rec league. At first S and I were concerned: M took some lessons five or six years ago, but they were very basic, she did not show any particular aptitude for the sport, and other than wacking balls with her sisters in the driveway, she has never actually played tennis.

Looking back on her experience with cross country, we were also worried about the humiliation factor. Sure, you stand out when you are one of the last runners in a race. But you’re also in a huge field with hundreds of people milling about and not really a focus. Whereas on a tennis court, even if you are playing one of 12 concurrent matches, you are kind of out there on your own. We were also concerned because CHS won the girls state title last spring. They have some serious talent.

She did not seem concerned about any of that so we decided to support her taking chances and trying new things. Although we know she is motivated to play because two of her best friends are playing. Neither of them has played before, but they both play other club sports so may pick it up quicker.

We made M go talk to the coach and explain her background and make sure he was open to her playing. Apparently he was thrilled that she was interested. We asked around and he seems to be one of those coaches who loves it when girls who have never played want to give it a shot. And the more I thought about it, and remembered my reporting days when I would cover tennis matches, I imagine most high schools have a big group of freshmen who have never played. Some of them may be athletic and can grasp the game quickly. But most are going to struggle. In that sense, I’m hoping M fits right in.

Anyway, Sunday was a nice day so I took her across the street to the high school to hit some balls. She surprised me a bit. She obviously struggled, but she was able to mix some good hits in. Serving is going to be a challenge, but again I imagine that will be the case for most of the girls she plays. I had her hit against the wall for awhile, we moved to the junior court to get a feel for hitting over a net, then walked over to the main courts so she could get used to its size.

After we hit balls for about 45 minutes, I gave her the car keys and we drove around the school parking lot for about 15 minutes. S has driven with her several times, but this was my first time with her. M was very nervous and tentative. She overthinks things. Her turns and stops are a little rough/abrupt. But she did just fine. I let her drive the two blocks home and we made it safely.

L had gone with us and was, apparently, very hesitant about riding in a car M was driving. S told me that L threatened not to go when she heard M would be doing some driving practice after we finished with tennis.

Monday we got M’s signup notice for her in-car driving lessons. Remembering my driver’s ed experience, I think she will improve much quicker when it is a non-parent who has been trained on how to teach kids to drive helping her rather than a parent.

It’s all kind of scary. I am eager for her to gain the independence that comes with a driver’s license, especially since it will make my mornings and afternoons much easier. But, man, seeing kids drive crazy in the parking lot every day when I’m dropping her off and picking her up can’t help but make me fear what she’s getting into. The experience has also made me evaluate how I drive. I realize so much of what I do is based on instinct and 30 years of experience. You don’t really look at the car approaching you in the opposite lane, but just sense its presence and trust it will not veer into your path. When M drives you can see her minor panic as she shifts her focus from the approaching car to the curb on the opposite side and fights to keep the car centered between the two.

She is learning how to drive in S’s new car, a Mazda CX–3. S’ previous two cars were both Jeep Cherokees, which she loved. But before her last lease expired we looked at what affordable, small SUVs and crossovers were the safest and the Mazda came up. So she is leasing a new CX–3 with the idea that M will get comfortable driving it and once she gets her license we will buy her a used one.

The final first of the week was me getting my CPAP machine on Monday. I’ve slept with it two nights, which has been a chore. The biggest issue is that I’ve started with the full mask, which covers my nose and mouth and keeps me from sleeping on my stomach as I prefer. So far I’ve also struggled to sleep on my side, too, although this morning I’ve been watching videos with tips on how to do that. I’ve always struggled to sleep on my back at night. I can take a nap during the day face-up. But at night I really struggle to relax and stay asleep in that position.

Night one was tough. It took me a long time to fall asleep and then I woke often because of the strange, new sensation of having a mask on my face. Last night was a little better, although I think I had some of the straps on the mask too tight and the bridge of my nose is quite sore today.

From what I’ve read, it can take several weeks for CPAP to begin having positive effects. I’m hopeful it works for me and soon I won’t be walking around like a zombie in the afternoon.

Some More Old Man Shit That Has Nothing To Do With Golf or Other Hobbies

February 12, 2020 / DB

It’s been awhile since I wrote way too many words about something relatively personal. So strap yourselves in – or just skip this post if you’re not interested – for some old man news.

For the past few months I’ve been undergoing a series of tests to try to determine why I had two lengthy episodes of irregular heartbeat late last year.

The first episode was in October, the week that I was taking steroids and not sleeping because of my poison ivy. On a Saturday I had a few drinks at dinner with friends, a couple when they came over after, and just before bedtime, my heart started beating strangely. It was kind of a fluttery feeling, like my heart was out of synch. I had no chest pain or tightness, no shortness of breath, no numbness or anything else that would indicate a heart attack or stroke. S was already asleep, this sensation was not totally unfamiliar, so I went to bed figuring it would pass. I woke several times during night it was still present. Same in the morning when I woke up. I had checked my pulse with my Apple Watch a few times and it was always normal. I finally thought to use the ECG app, which told me I was in atrial fibrillation, the fancy word for irregular heartbeat.

“Well no shit,” I thought. I finally told S, she used her stethoscope to listen for herself, and then started looking up ways to counter AFib. I held my nose and blew out, like I was trying to pop my ears. I dunked my face in ice water. I ate cashews and drank cold water. Eventually my heartbeat corrected and I felt fine. When it didn’t happen again over the next several days and weeks, we both chalked it up to the steroids, lack of sleep, and alcohol combining to make my heart beat strangely for 12 hours.

Fast forward to mid-December. I was reading, about three sips into my only beer of the night. Suddenly I felt my heartbeat slip into AFib again. My watch confirmed. Stupidly, I just went to bed without telling S, thinking it would pass quickly. When the AFib was still present in the morning, though, I did tell her. She did some Googling and threatened to stick two plastic spoons down my throat. Apparently triggering the gag reflex can reset your heart beat. I refused because, again, I otherwise felt fine and wasn’t interested in gagging.

However, she was now concerned since I had experienced two episodes of AFib that both lasted over 10 hours. More importantly, my dad had AFib, and we believe he died because of complications associated with it. As soon as she got to her office she walked over to my doc on the family medicine side of her practice and spoke with her. They quickly got me an appointment with a cardiologist later that week.

So, two weeks before Christmas I began making rounds at medical offices. First came the trip to the cardiologist. Then one to my PCP so she could run some thyroid tests. Then came a heart stress test and heart echo. At that appointment I was given a heart monitor that I had to wear for a month. After the holidays I met with a sleep specialist and then did a home sleep study a week ago.

So, first, the good news: I aced all the heart tests. The stress test and echo – I walked and ran on a treadmill until my heart rate was over 150 BPM then laid down so they could shoot images of my heart – all showed my heart is healthy and functions normally under stress. Same with the heart monitor: it showed a normal, healthy heart. No thyroid issues, either.

I’ve also had no further bouts of AFib since December. Although my cardiologist told me to not make any lifestyle or diet changes while I was wearing the monitor, after the holidays I did almost completely cut out alcohol. It was more about needing to drop some pounds after the extra drinks and desserts of holiday break than heart health. But there was also the knowledge that alcohol may be a trigger for my AFib. On the nights I drink I do so nervously, waiting for my heart to slip out of rhythm. Since January 6, excepting nights we’ve gone out to dinner with friends, I’ve had maybe three beers. And then always lighter stuff rather than the 6–7% ABV beers I prefer. Hey, I’ve lost as many as nine pounds, too!¹¹

I saw my cardiologist again last week and she was very pleased with all these results. She is sending me to get a heart scan, but other than that, I left without any prescriptions and without needing to see her again for a year. Provided I have no more AFib episodes.

My visit to the sleep specialist and resulting sleep study was to determine if I have sleep apnea. There are strong ties between sleep apnea and AFib. I bet you didn’t know that because I sure didn’t. This was viewed as more of a formality, as I don’t snore, neither I nor S have any memories of me waking up gasping for breath in the middle of the night, I’m not overweight, etc.

However, the sleep study was a damn nightmare. I had to strap a monitor across my forehead and then stick two tubes into my nose that would measure my breathing activity while asleep. They assured us – five of us picked up our monitors at the same time and got the spiel together – that we could sleep in any position. Well, I’m a stomach sleeper and you damn sure can’t sleep on your stomach with this thing on. I often fall asleep on my side, but even that was difficult with the monitor on. They also told us not to sleep around a partner who snores because the monitor could pick that up. S snores when she is getting a cold, which she was doing last week. So I decided to sleep in the basement guest room.

Between being forced to sleep on my back and being in a strange room I had soooo much trouble relaxing and falling asleep. When I did sleep, I managed to knock the monitor askew around 4:00AM, which set off an alarm that woke me to reposition it.

That night kind of sucked.

I got a call Monday saying that the sleep study showed that I indeed have sleep apnea. The specialist I spoke with two weeks ago said just because you don’t snore does not mean you can’t have apnea. And the more I read about the symptoms of sleep apnea, the more it makes sense. I’m always tired, even if I sleep well. I figured that was just because I rarely drink caffeine anymore but perhaps this is the explanation.

For now they’re going to put me on a CPAP machine for two months then reevaluate me. Unfortunately the sleep specialist doc is not in the office this week, so I don’t know if this is just a preliminary step or if I’m stuck on the CPAP machine forever. I’m holding out hope that it was a shitty sleep study that triggered the result and maybe I’ll only have to wear the machine for a couple months. I would not place bets on that being the case, though.

Here’s where those of you who have had real medical issues can laugh or shake your heads/fists at me: this really bummed me out. I’ve been a stomach/side sleeper my entire life. When I attempt to sleep on my back, I can never get comfortable and often jerk awake just as I begin to slip into sleep. And now I have to wear a device that forces me away from my preferred sleep position? A device I thought only elderly or exceptionally obese people had to use? That sucks.

As I thought about it more, though, I realized it is obviously a good thing to figure out what is causing the AFib so I can get it and keep it under control. While I don’t know many of the details of my dad’s final weeks, I’ve obviously seen how not managing your AFib can be a life ender. Also, as I noted, I had felt that sensation of an arhythmic heart before the October episode. I don’t know how many times or how often it has happened, but I know my heart has done that in the past. Just never for more than a few minutes, so I never really thought much of it. The lengthy episodes might be unusual, but the condition is not new.

Beyond the AFib effects, perhaps wearing the CPAP machine will mean I’m not walking around yawning all the time, or trying to not fall asleep when I sit stationary for a few moments during the day. It’s one of those things that has become so normal that I almost don’t notice it; in fact I don’t think I mentioned it to any of the docs, again because I assumed it had to do with the lack of caffeine in my system. But maybe I am exhausted all the time because I’m not sleeping normally, which is also triggers my genetic link to AFib and causes my heart to wig out occasionally. Wild, man.

So this all sucks. But at the same time it doesn’t. I am making some lifestyle modifications. But my overall good health has been confirmed. There are worse outcomes for having heart issues. There are far more serious diagnoses than sleep apnea.

Weekend/Fall Break Notes

October 14, 2019 / DB

It was a nice, semi-relaxing weekend at our house.

No sports, thanks to fall break. C was supposed to run at the City meet, but her foot pain never fully went away so she chose not to run. Kind of a bummer end to her season. M had finished her cross country season a week before. We are proud of her for sticking with it, as it was a very tough and humbling experience for her. But it served the purpose of helping her to settle in as a freshman and make new friends. We’re pretty sure she won’t run in the future, and are fine with that.

No homework, again thanks to fall break. M’s first quarter ended a week or so ago. We’re still not sure how grades work in high school; do they get proper report cards or do you just check online? We wonder because her first quarter grades have adjusted a couple times since the end of the quarter, so we’re not sure if everything is locked in or not. Regardless, she absolutely rocked her first quarter of high school. She has the best grades she’s ever had and seems to be really enjoying her classes and most of her teachers.

No football Friday, thanks to terrible weather. M hung out with some friends and we took C, L, and a friend bowling.

Saturday evening we went to a local beer hall/barbecue joint to meet our old neighbors for dinner and enjoy the Oktoberfest celebration. It was a perfect, cool mid-fall night for hanging with friends.

Sunday C joined the group of friends she will be trick or treating with to work on their costumes. They are going as 20-some of the 101 Dalmatians.

We had our last swims of the year Thursday night before I turned the heater off in advance of the pool closing process that begins tomorrow. L and I swam for about an hour then watched a movie on the outside TV with the fireplace on. That, my friends, was a outdoor living space triple crown!

This morning I had to kick the furnace on to take the chill out of the air. As always, it is a quick transition from air conditioning weather to furnace weather in Indiana. Hopefully we get a nice, long stretch of normal fall weather and don’t advance straight to coat weather like we did last year.

And I know the question you’re all answering is how is my poison ivy and associated issues? Good news is the rashes are almost completely gone. Looking at my arms, legs, and stomach you would barely know they had been covered in sores just a couple days ago. The downside is that I itched so much and so long that I still have itching spells despite the rash getting knocked down. S said sometimes when you get hit this hard, it takes awhile for your body to realize it doesn’t actually itch anymore. I’m feeling much better today. Especially since I was finally able to sleep last night. Since I started steroids I was getting 3–4 hours of sleep per night, but never more than 90 consecutive minutes. Sunday I was feeling pretty wiped out, but thank goodness I, more or less, slept through the night last night. I did wake several times all itchy, but could get back to sleep rather than lay there for two hours waiting for exhaustion to take over again.

I also had a rather scary 12 hours or so from overnight Saturday to midday Sunday when my heart beat was all erratic. S thinks it was a combination of the steroids, lack of sleep, and having several drinks when we went out that made my heart rebel a little. There were never any other issues, like shortness of breath or chest pain, and it has not come back. It was more annoying than anything, but anytime your heart starts misbehaving it is bound to get you a little nervous. Especially since both my dad and his dad had heart issues later in their lives.

Nobody Likes a Bragger

October 7, 2019 / DB

I feel like I’m not much of a bragger. I’ll toot my own horn on occasion, but I like to think I pick my spots and am not annoying about it. I also know that bragging inevitably comes back to bite you in the ass, so in addition to making you look bad, it’s just tempting fate.

Example: just a week ago I was bragging a little about how I’m not allergic to poison ivy. We had done some yard work the previous week and, like clockwork, S had a few blotchy rashes from making contact with poison ivy. As long as we’ve been married, when we do yard work, she ends up with a rash, I come out clean. I might get a couple bumps on my arm, but never the bad rash that she gets. We had some friends over, they were commenting on S’s rash, and I made it clear how poison ivy doesn’t bother me.

Then, last Monday, the back of my left hand started itching. And then that arm. And then my right arm. Over the next couple days the itching spread to both legs and all along both wrists. The bumps grew into angry rashes that I did my best not to scratch.

By Saturday morning the rashes were much worse and I was lathering myself in creams and lotions to try to control the itching. I was glad the weather turned cooler so I could wear long sleeves and try to hide the rash when I was out in public.

Both Saturday and Sunday nights I would wake every few hours to find myself scratching one appendage or another and would shuffle into the bathroom to coat the rashes with another layer of ointment. I tried taking Benadryl to help me sleep through the itching but that was no help.

The worst part is it doesn’t seem to be getting better but rather new hot spots keep popping up. My right eye is swelling because there are bumps both on my eyelid and below my eye. Somehow I got the rash inside my belly button (I assure you was wearing a shirt while doing yard work). This morning I awoke to find several new spots. The itching seemed to be better until about 10:00 when I was suddenly a hot mess again.

I realized I did not pick this up the same night S and I were pulling landscape netting out of the yard. Rather, almost two weeks ago, I decided to cut a bunch of vines off a tree. In retrospect all or most of them were poison ivy/oak/sumac. I know I came in and took a shower immediately after finishing, but now I’m trying to remember what I touched afterward, what shoes I was wearing, etc and then doing my best to wipe all those surfaces so that any oils I brought in are gone. I trashed my shower loofah in case there was oil on it and that’s why the rash has spread to some weird locations that weren’t exposed.

What a mess!

I want to take this moment to sincerely apologize for ever bragging about not being allergic to poison ivy and let those of you who have suffered through this before know that I feel your pain. I’ll do my best to keep my mouth shut the next time I have the opportunity to brag about something.