D's Notebook

Tag: personal (Page 1 of 7)

Weekend Notes

September 9, 2024 /

Another weekend jam-packed with sports dominating my attention.

Personally, it was a tough weekend for football. Cathedral lost Friday night against Cincinnati St. Xavier in the closing seconds of their game, 35–31. KU lost to Illinois despite dominating on defense and having an unstoppable running game they, for some reason, went away from. M’s Bearcats blew a big lead and lost. And the Colts failed to get a win on opening day for the 11th consecutive season.

Well, S’s Hoosiers did put up 77 points Friday. But she doesn’t follow them, so she doesn’t get any credit for the W.

Amazingly the CHS game got my most attention out of all of those games. I listened to the entire thing on the radio. It was back-and-forth all night until the Irish let the Bombers go 65 yards in about a minute with no timeouts to get the win. St. X’s quarterback in Chase Herbstreit, son of a certain media personality. I didn’t get the impression he’s a big time recruit, but he played great in the biggest moments Friday.

We had people over Saturday evening so I was only able to sneak peeks at the KU game rather than give it my full attention. Every time I looked up it seemed like something was going wrong for the Jayhawks. A penalty that wiped out a touchdown. An interception. Giving up a big completion on third down. It was a super bummer to lose. Diving into the numbers, this was a game they could have easily won, probably should have won, with lots of areas to build on. The defense was very good. The O-line great. Devin Neal and Daniel Hishaw nearly unstoppable.

It is definitely concerning that Jalon Daniels made so many mistakes. Not sure if he’s pressing, his body is compromised and will never be what it once was, he’s struggling to mesh with the new offensive coordinator, or something else is going on. I also think it’s too early to bail on the OC. It sure seems like he wasn’t taking advantage of a clear advantage he had, though.

Hey, being bummed about KU losing a close road game to a Power 4 team is new territory. I’m not going to get too worked up over it. I don’t think the ceiling is as high as we were hoping, though.

Hey, that Northern Illinois win over Notre Dame was fun! Not just because Notre Dame lost, although that is always amusing. Nor because we watched the closing minutes with a friend who went to Notre Dame. No, the way NIU coach Thomas Hammock reacted to the win was the greatest sporting moment of the weekend. Sports are awesome.

And Sunday was a gorgeous day so I watched the Colts game on the outside TV while doing various clean-up tasks from our Saturday gathering. It was pretty much what I expected from the Colts. Anthony Richardson made three or four straight ridiculous throws. He made about as many terrible/confusing/infuriating throws, including missing a wide-open AD Mitchell for a sure touchdown. That is who he is right now. I don’t know that he’s ever going to be a great pro, but he will always be interesting. The offensive line, which rebounded last year from a poor ’22, looked old and slow. The run D, allegedly a strength, got gouged all day. And the thing Colts fans have been complaining about all summer, the defensive backfield, confirmed all those concerns.

Eleven straight years without a win on opening day seems impossible, right?

I know it’s early, and we shouldn’t make too many snap judgements. But I did not like the new NFL kickoff rules. Of course, in the three games I watched, nothing much happened on kickoffs. I know returns were way up around the league, including one touchdown. Some analysts remain bullish on the dynamic kickoff concept. It seems to me like, after giving up a few big returns, coaches will start kicking the ball into/out of the end zone and willingly let the opponent start at the 30 instead of risking the long return.

Just like last week, I also sprinkled in a lot of US Open action, following the Royals big sweep of the Twins online, and watching parts of the Fever games both Friday and Sunday. The Royals have a six-game cushion for the final playoff spot! The Fever’s five-game winning streak came to an end Friday, but they rebounded with an overtime win Sunday. Caitlin Clark had 23 and 8 assists Friday, 26 and 12 Sunday.

Saturday morning I ran L over to CHS so she could go to the JV football game. I ran some errands and then hung out in the parking lot rather than go in. I had left my season sports pass at home and didn’t want to pay $5 for a game I didn’t care about. She had fun, although the JV also took an L to St. X.

About that gathering, we had several of S’s high school pals over Saturday evening. It was a fantastic fall evening, in the low 60s/high 50s. Perfect for sitting outside with a fire going while enjoying beverages, food, and good company. We had the pool heated and open, but that was mostly for looks. We were hoping someone might get nutty and jump in but no one drank enough to try it out. I’m sure our neighbors appreciated that. I actually felt pretty good Sunday morning, which was not my expectation.

Football is fully back. The baseball playoffs are close. The US Open, a marker of seasonal transition, is complete. This morning is our third straight with temps in the 40s. I actually wore pants a couple times over the weekend. It will be close to 90 in another 48 hours, so fall is not fully here yet. But it is close.

Weekend Notes

July 5, 2023 /

A lot to get caught up on after a long holiday weekend.

July 4th

Our standard family pool party for the Fourth of July. Almost all the locals were over for a daytime gathering. I smoked rather than grilled burgers for the first time and they turned out pretty good. All the young ones were well behaved, and it seems like both generations of sisters got along for the day, too.

We had neighbors over for drinks in the evening after the family had cleared out. No driveway fireworks this year.

Kid Hoops

Thursday was the last night of summer league games. CHS played a team they lost to by six earlier in June, and both coaches agreed to stack their rosters so that it was a true A game. Which got L excited.

She played pretty well in an eight-point loss. She hit a shot right before halftime to give us a 20–19 lead. But we were on the wrong side of a 9–2 run to start the third quarter that was pretty much the game. L was not on the court for any of that run. When she played, it was an even ballgame. When she sat, our offense bogged down and the defense was disconnected.

She scored six for the night on 3–4 shooting, and had a rebound, an assist, a steal, and a turnover.

She wasn’t super pleased with her play afterward, but I told her about my rough +/- numbers and how I saw her affect the game. There are definitely girls better than her on the team. There are girls with more potential or who are better than her in individual aspects of the game. But of the girls in the 20-ish player pool the JV teams pulled from this summer, no one organizes the game better than her.

Her first summer of high school hoops was a success. She fit in, she got more confident as the season progressed, was high scorer in at least two games, earned the coaches’ trust, and most importantly, she made some new, good friends. I’m excited to see how she improves once fall practice kicks off.

Not much rest for her. The travel team goes to St. Louis Friday for a tournament.

Over the weekend we went to the Y to shoot three times. She came up with a new workout that required her to make 300 shots. Mid-range, floaters, and 3’s. Off-the-catch and off-the-dribble. Lots of free throws. It took roughly an hour to get through it each day. I worked up a good sweat rebounding and passing.

Weather/Power

What a weird weather week.

We began with a terrible bout with the Canadian wild fire smoke. A couple times we had the worst air quality of any city in the US. Wednesday morning we were up to #2 in the world. Never say that Indianapolis can’t compete on the world stage!

It was much worse than our first run with the smoke a month ago. Two days the sky resembled the winter sky right before a big snow storm. Those days we couldn’t even see the sun, let alone take eerie pictures of its light refracted by the smoke. There was also a strange, metallic smell to the air.

Then Thursday a Derecho storm blew through with winds over 70 MPH. Our power went off at 3:57 and did not come back on until 3:00 Saturday afternoon. We filled up coolers with ice and transported our important items from the freezer to a relative’s home, but lost pretty much everything else from our fridges and freezers. S said it was time to replace a lot of our condiments anyway. Our house got pretty toasty each afternoon, but at least our basement remained cool. It was completely comfortable sleeping down there.

At one point nearly 80,000 people in Indianapolis were without power. I was obsessively checking the outage map and watched it slowly tick down a few thousand at a time, only for it to shoot back up after more, if less intense, storms came through both Friday night and Saturday morning.

When our power came back on there were still around 20,000 people in the city without power. I think most of them were back up and running by Sunday evening.

We had zero damage at our house. The neighbors to either side of us kept their power. It was just a thin row of 7–8 houses behind us that all come off the same line that got knocked out. Obviously the big downside of living in an area with tons of old trees and old power lines.

The big surprise was that our pool survived without turning bad. I was worried that sitting in the heat, covered, with zero circulation or filtration would be a recipe for stuff to grow quickly. It has turned cloudy in less time before. But Saturday night it was clear and tested out fine. I shocked it and ran the pump a little higher than normal and it was fine to swim in on Sunday.

In a related note, our refrigerators are very clean and organized.

Taylor Swift

I mentioned in Friday’s playlist that M was off to Cincy to watch Taylor Swift perform. She said the show was awesome.

M just got her tickets a week before the show. She received a text saying that some new tickets had been released. She was worried it was a scam, but noticed the message came from the same number her other Ticketmaster texts came from, so she decided to quickly buy two tickets and hope they were legit. She messaged some friends and they asked if she could try to get two more. The link indeed worked again so she bought four total tickets at face value 10 days before the show. She checked the secondary market and seats in her section were going for more than $2000. Pretty crazy. She was in the lower level in the Bengals stadium, with a great view of the main stage.

The grandparents of one of the friends that went with her live in Cincy, so the girls stayed at their house. The grandfather also met them near the stadium so M could park in a good spot hours before the show, took them to his house to drop their stuff, then back to the stadium. She’s living right these days.

Just a nice bonus this trip allowed her to miss out on about 24 hours of our power outage.

Football Recruiting

I will not address KU football recruiting until December.

Home States

Finally, not only did I just pass my 20th wedding anniversary and my 20th blogging anniversary, but also marked my 20th year living in Indiana. A few years ago I went through the exercise of figuring out how long I spent in each of the four states I lived in.

That was harder than you would think because of the college years, splitting time between two states. I decided to give Kansas ¾ credit for my first three years at KU, then full credit for the last couple after I gained residency and stayed there most of the summers. I’m not sure if that works out exactly right, but it seemed close and fair.

Anyway, my 20th year in Indiana means I’ve officially lived here longer than any other state. That still doesn’t sound right. My current tally looks like this:

Indiana 20 years
Missouri 19 years
Kansas 12 years
California 1 year

Happy Blog-iversary

June 27, 2023 /

It is June 27, 2023.

That means this site, or at least its earliest version, was Internet birthed 20 years ago today. That first post is here. I’ll be addressing it directly soon.

A lot sure has happened in that span, hasn’t it? If you want a full accounting you can dig through the over 3300 posts I’ve racked up since then.[1]

S and I had been married for nearly two weeks when I posted that first entry.[2] We had occupied our house in Carmel, IN for 10-ish days. I had officially begun the work from home part of my career with C corp.

In that first week as a home-based employee, sorry, associate, I discovered that I had a monumental amount of time for dicking around on the Internet. After blogging about Big 12 basketball the previous winter, I decided to put together a personal blog to stay connected with both my friends back in Kansas City and those who were scattered around the country. I was halfway smart. I had some writing skills. I enjoyed exploring the Internet. I sure had the time. Why not put all that to good use by offering some takes?

A lot of those early posts were pretty silly. When we found out S was pregnant with M, that really changed the focus of my writing. Eventually the kids came to dominate the content here. Going to grad school and becoming a sports writer for a few years both provided material and influenced my writing style.

There has been a ton of KU sports content and a couple years where there were a lot of Royals posts. Plenty of other discussions of all kinds and levels of sports.[3] Overly detailed accountings of our travels. Tons of music entries in various formats. The occasional political post. For only the briefest of times did I tag my posts, as I found it kind of a pain and also struggled with how to label certain entries. Today I wish I had tagged everything so it would be easier to look back and count up how often I’ve written about various topics.

When I started this site I had the secret goal of some random person coming across my writing, thinking it was great, and offering me a ton of money to write for the general public. Such ideas weren’t so crazy in 2003.

Sadly that opportunity never came along, not that I deserved it. Although I did become an official, professional sportswriter, that had nothing to do with what I wrote here. Also, sadly, I’ve witnessed firsthand how the writing industry has fallen apart over the past 20 years. Newspapers have been stripped to the bone. Websites designed the replace them are cutting staff and pay left and right. There are way more opportunities to write for the public than ever, yet fewer and fewer ways to make a living doing so.

Regardless of what my motivations were for starting the blog, it has become an integral part of my daily life. I may not write or post each day, but there’s always a tickle in the back of my brain that I need to bang out some thoughts to publish.

I stopped tracking how many views my posts receive years ago. Typical of me, what began as an effort to try to gain some measure of attention eventually turned into an outlet that is pretty private. It’s been ages since I shared with anyone new that I operate a blog.

There are a few friends and family who have continued to check in over the years. I know a select few will read just about anything I post shortly after it hits the web. Others check in more occasionally.

Regardless of how often you read my writing, or whether you read it closely or just skim it, I appreciate every one of you who has kept this site bookmarked and part of your Internet routines.

Keeping this site alive another 20 years seems both crazy and daunting. I don’t have plans to stop any time soon.

Thanks for reading.

  1. Obvious asterisk here: not all posts have been carried along the many times I’ve bounced the site through different platforms and hosts. Let’s say I’ve lost 100 posts in those transitions, so we’re pushing 3500 total entries.  ↩
  2. That was our Summer of Weddings, a season in which many of my readers and friends also got hitched.  ↩
  3. I’ve written about my teams in four Final Fours with two national championship teams, two Super Bowls and one Super Bowl champion, and two World Series and one World Series champion. Not bad. Pacers need to step it up.  ↩

A Change in (Pas)Times, Pt. 2

May 3, 2023 /

Time for part two of my hobby update. In the first entry, I shared how I had sold all my camera equipment. I ended that post by mentioning I had also done something unexpected and possibly dumb.

In those weeks after I sold my camera gear, I did everything I could to quash any second-thoughts about the decision. I unsubscribed from every photography website, podcast, YouTube channel, Instagram account, etc. I wanted nothing to enter my information feeds that might make me start looking at replacement gear.

I didn’t realize that things having nothing to do with cameras might get into my head.

One night I was watching a video filmed in California, and fell in love with the gorgeous, hazy, 1970s Kodachrome vibes it had. I’ve always loved that style, but was also always frustrated with how many options there are to recreate those looks in modern digital cameras. There were just too many sliders and buttons to tweak, and when I used, say, Fujifilm’s Classic Chrome film simulation, I was never satisfied with the final result.

But as I watched these videos, I realized there was a way around the endless possibilities that come with digital photography.

Shooting on film.

So after about 36 hours of furious research and hemming and hawing, I purchased a film camera.

Good Lord.

For about $150 I got a Nikon FE and a 50mm lens that were in very good shape. I ordered some film, shot a roll, and shipped it off for processing. I’m still waiting on the results (I’ll get more into the reality of film photography in 2023 in a future post). I’m waiting to shoot another roll until I see those first images to make sure that everything is functioning properly on the Nikon. The ASA dial refuses to lock, so I’m hoping I didn’t ruin the roll by shooting at the wrong ISO. My exposure settings were always lined up so I should be ok. Other than that, the camera seemed to be in great condition and had even been serviced by the seller. Fingers crossed any issues with the photos will be only because of operator error.

I have to say those first 36 exposures were a little strange. I’ve shot plenty of point-and-shoot film cameras in my life. In fact, the girls and I were just flipping through a bunch of my old photo albums the other night. This was the first time I had ever used a manual film camera, though. I’ve got the basics down from shooting my Fuji X-T2 in manual, but it was still a very different experience.

For example, focusing. When I looked through the viewfinder I was not presented with a bright, perfect view of what the lens saw. Instead it was blurry and rather dark until I focused in on my subject.

That wasn’t a big deal. What did drive me crazy was not being able to move the focus point around the frame as you can on a digital camera. I kept wanting to use a D pad or joystick to shift the focus. I constantly had to remind myself to focus on my subject then recompose for desired framing.

Getting used to winding the film when I was ready to shoot again was also weird.

So why the hell did I do this?

I obviously still have a photography itch that needs scratching. After all that research and consideration, I decided that shooting on film should do just that, without some of the paralysis by analysis that was present with digital cameras. Once I’ve loaded my film, I will have very little control over how my images will appear. The film stock and speed will take care of all of that. I just have to frame, focus, and expose properly.

Naturally, as with any new hobby, I started thinking about what lenses I can add. A portrait lens? Something wide for landscapes?

Then I remembered the biggest reason I ditched my digital gear: my iPhone is sufficient for 90% of my needs.

The Nikon is purely for fun, for artistic pursuits, and for using something that involves more effort than tapping the screen to capture an image.

When I showed S my new purchase, she just rolled her eyes and asked, “You’re not going to build a darkroom are you?” and went back to her charting.

No, I’m not going to build a darkroom. We have enough chemicals in our basement because of the pool already. I don’t need to worry about storing/disposing of development chemicals.

I would be lying, though, if I didn’t admit to looking into systems for scanning my negatives once they’ve been developed…

Anyway, that’s my new, dumb pastime. Feel free to mock me at your leisure. Or ask me to capture you on film the next time you see me.


The Old Man and The Scale

August 11, 2022 /

L went back to school yesterday. M and C started classes today. Thus our academic summer has ended. Which makes this the perfect day for a post I’ve wanted to share for quite awhile. It will be extra navel-gazey, so feel free to skip if you prefer my writings about music, sports, books, etc. to those about being a middle-aged man.

When Covid began and our gym shut down, I was still able to use our modest home equipment to workout. But when I began having my vertigo spells about 20 months ago, I had to stop doing any regular exercise. With this came a depressingly quick increase in my weight. It took just a couple months to gain 15 pounds. That was doubly frustrating because I had largely cut out drinking at the same time.[1] I had hoped the calories saved by not drinking would balance out the lack of exercise, but clearly that was not the case.

I went back to the gym after getting vaccinated in April 2021 and slowly got back into a routine. When the girls returned to school a year ago I dedicated myself to a new strength training and cardio program and was as diligent as I’ve ever been about getting to the gym. In fact, the stretch from August through November 2021 was the most, and most consistently, I had ever worked out up to that point. I hoped by the time we went to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, I would be back to my pre-vertigo weight.

A weird thing happened: no matter how much I worked out, or how much I increased my cardio sessions, my weight stayed in the same 1–3 pound range. This bugged me because my entire life, anytime I gained a few extra lbs., I was always able to shed them quickly. Hell, after L was born I lost about 30 pounds in three months.

But I never had to do it in my late 40s or early 50s, which apparently makes a big difference. Who knew???[2]

I adjusted my diet slightly, continued to drink only occasionally, and stuck with the workouts. Still no real change.

In November I found a new strength workout for older dudes and threw myself into it. I also found a new elliptical workout that promised to burn calories, the elliptical machine being the cardio workout that protects my joints the most. I got stronger, improved my cardio fitness, but my weight refused to drop.

When we got back from spring break I was still in that three pound window I had been stuck in for over a year. I did my best to reduce snacks, take smaller portions at dinner, be careful with the late evening nibbles. I kept alcohol to a few nights a week, and then generally just one drink. I also found another, more intense, elliptical workout and subbed it in once per week.

These changes all finally had an effect.

By mid April I had lost five pounds. By May 1 I was down another three pounds. By L’s last day of school in May, I was officially down 10 pounds.

Although L wanted to start working out with me, I had some worries about keeping the weight off over the summer. Summer brings more pool parties, which means more drinks and treats. I’m not a big dessert guy anymore, but I do eat ice cream fairly often in the summer. Plus L really isn’t into cardio so I figured I would go from getting an elliptical session in 2–3 times per week down to just once.

I am pleased to report that my weight loss continued through the summer. In fact, just two weeks ago I got down to within two-tenths of a pound of my lowest weight since I started tracking it on my phone, back in June 2019. I had officially lost 15.3 pounds from my highest weight in November 2020.

Pretty good!

Shorts that were tight when we went on spring break fit perfectly now. A couple pairs that had more space in them have been put away since they hang far too loose for me to wear.[3]

My routine did get upset over the summer. The strength program I was on is designed to protect older men’s joints by mostly using free weights. Since L is not old enough to get into the free weight area at our gym, I did more machines with her, which has caused more aches and pains in my sensitive joints that I had over the past year.[4] I’m looking forward to jumping back into my Old Man program on Monday.

So that’s my bragging, self improvement post. I understand my schedule allows for a lot more opportunities to workout that many of yours do. But if you are looking to improve your fitness or lose a little weight, maybe this will serve as confirmation that it is still possible in middle age if you put in the time and find the right program.

  1. Having a few drinks when you are already dizzy kind of sucks.  ↩

  2. Narrator: “Everyone knew this.”  ↩

  3. Major pet peeve: every pair of pants or shorts that is listed as having a specific waist size should fit the same. I swear there’s a five-inch range in the actual waist sizes on my various pairs of bottoms, all of which have the exact same listed measurement.  ↩

  4. She can’t wait to turn 14 and be old enough to finally do a “real bench press.”  ↩

On Packed Weekends and Golf

June 21, 2021 /

Decent weekend in our house.

I watched a lot of golf, thanks to the US Open being played on the West Coast. Which is always the best. The girls were even moderately interested since we stayed right off the course during our visit to San Diego two years ago.

I watched some Euro championship soccer. I watched some F1. L and I watched almost all of the crazy ass game seven between Brooklyn and Milwaukee (she bailed to go to bed late in the fourth quarter). We watched the closing minutes of the Atlanta-Philly game seven and laughed at Ben Simmons. “HOW IS HE SO BAD?” she yelled at the screen. Poor Joel…

I bought a book that is right up my alley and knocked out a big chunk of it while sitting by the pool Sunday.

I’ve also still been fighting this damn cold I’ve now had for almost four weeks. In fact Friday I felt worse than I had felt for a week. It seems like time and the Z-pack and lots of vitamins finally kicked in and I may have the cold on the ropes. Thanks to the cold I’ve been squeezing a lot of naps in, too.

Oh, and I turned 50.

No big deal.

Maybe one of you mathematicians out there can tell me what the odds are of me being born on Father’s Day and also turning 50 on Father’s Day? Seems kind of wacky to me but it seems to check out.

Ever since the calendar flipped to 2021 I’ve been contemplating this birthday, what it meant, and that kind of stuff.

I was excited to turn 30, because it meant I was an adult and people would take me seriously. And then my 30s were about maturing and creating. I got married. We had three kids. It was a busy time.

I was not super pumped about turning 40 because it was the first milestone that felt old-ish to me. Turns out my 40s were a decent run, and I wish I had entered them with a better perspective. Yeah, I’m a little creakier than I was a decade ago. I’ve got a few, thankfully minor, health issues to worry about. Looking back my 40s were all about raising my girls, helping them navigate the first years of their lives and reach the points where they developed their own personalities and interests and are either beginning or poised to begin making big choices for themselves.

Fifty, though? Man, it seems old. I can’t help but think of a line from a song by Buffalo Tom that struck me when they released it three years ago:

Now my time behind is greater than my time ahead

As much as I try not to dwell on it, I can’t help but consider that math often. I hope I have many years left, but it is very sobering to know that I’ve most likely lived somewhere around two-thirds of my life.

All those songs aging Baby Boomers put out in the ‘90s are starting to make sense to me.

I kid, I kid. All those songs still suck.

Thanks to all who sent birthday wishes to me over the weekend.

The ladies took me out for dinner Saturday to Harry & Izzy’s, where we enjoyed shrimp cocktail and I had a fine filet. My Old Fashioned was a little too sweet, but perhaps that was three weeks of various meds throwing off my taste buds. Sunday morning we got a variety of fancy French Toasts from a local breakfast place before I saw in or by the pool most of the afternoon.

All in all, not a bad weekend.

Golf

The US Open went from a snooze-fest to an absolute delight Sunday afternoon. I’m one of those who isn’t a huge fan of Torrey Pines. It’s too long, doesn’t ask enough questions of golfers, and doesn’t take advantage of the glorious property it occupies. For about 62 holes it produced a tournament that had a ton of players in the mix, but prevented anyone from doing much to create separation. I was 100% sure Bryson DeChambeau was going to get hot on the back nine, birdie and/or eagle a couple holes that everyone else was parring, and win by two. He had the lead on 10 and that looked like a pretty wise prediction.

And then all hell gloriously broke loose. Bryson shot a 44 on the back nine, and played a couple holes the way I might play them. I’m not a Bryson fan so this was thoroughly enjoyable. I literally cackled like a fool when he cold shanked a wedge and nearly took out some fans on the opposite side of the fairway. Could not have happened to a better guy.

I would have been fine with just about anyone but Bryson winning, but was rooting hardest for, in no particular order, Louis Oosthuizen, Rory McIlroy, and Jon Rahm. Rory faded, as he has been doing for a long time. Louis cracked under the pressure, as he seemingly always does. And it was Rahm who dropped in two absolutely clutch-ass putts on 17 and 18 to claim his first major. It was a well earned and deserved championship.

Rahm might have played the best round of his life two weeks ago, taking a six-shot lead after three rounds of the Memorial, only to learn he had tested positive for Covid and would not be able to play Sunday. This sparked just the kind of meaningful, reasoned, and nuanced dialogue you would expect on Twitter, talk radio, etc. Rahm handled it all wonderfully. He admitted he should have been vaccinated sooner – I believe he said he had only gotten his first shot a few days earlier after he was exposed to someone who was positive – said he understood the rules and protocols that the PGA had instituted, said he totally understood they were in place to protect others, and went along with them. He didn’t bitch or whine or blame others. He accepted responsibility AND advocated for others to get vaccinated. Unlike a lot of dickhead athletes who have taken a different line over the past couple weeks.

After he won the Open, Rahm said he’s a big believer in karma. He knew that something good would come from his bout with Covid. I like to think it was forcing him and others in golf like Phil Mickleson to advocate for vaccinations so we can move society forward. But if winning the US Open was part of that karmic payoff, I’m down.

I do feel gutted for poor Louis. Dude has the purest swing you could ever hope for and, by all accounts, cares a lot more about his family and his farm than golf. The knock has been that he doesn’t care enough about winning and, thus, has only won a single major while fading on Sundays time and again. You could see the pain in his eyes when he holed out on 18, realizing he had a chance to tie or even beat Rahm in regulation before his normally fluid swing betrayed him. He may not burn to win above all else like a lot of golfers, but make no mistake, Louis wants to win. He’s played very well this year. I hope he nabs another major before his skills begin to diminish.

Current Status: Vaccinated

April 12, 2021 /

I received my second Pfizer vaccine shot on Friday. WHOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!

No issues, other than a sore arm. I’ve heard wildly varying stories from others who have already been through both shots. S and several other friends got wiped out by shot #2. In her case, she felt achy and sore and lethargic for about 24 hours. Another friend was out for two days with similar symptoms. However several other folks have reported no issues.

The arm soreness woke me up Friday night when I tried to lay on my left side, but otherwise was noticeable but less intense than the soreness after my first shot.

I don’t know if it made a difference, but I did get the shot in the opposite arm from my first. A friend of a friend who is a virologist suggested that doing so would reduce the arm pain. Just an FYI for those of you who are still waiting to get your second (or in some cases first) shot.

We also got M her first shot last Monday. Indiana opened up eligibility to everyone over 16 two weeks ago. Initially we had her scheduled to get her first shot on May 3 through the state. But a co-worker of S said to check the websites of places like CVS as they were rapidly opening up their schedules. We did and got M moved up by three weeks. She had no issues, not even soreness, with the first shot. I hope she has my luck on #2 as well, because she is scheduled for a Monday and I’d hate her to lose a day or two of school because of a reaction to the vaccine.[1]

As with the first shot, I was filled with happiness as I left the vaccine facility Friday. From the reading I’ve done the experts think the first Pfizer shot provides pretty good protection. The second shot plus a couple weeks means a much more normal life is rapidly approaching.

Along those lines, I re-started my gym membership last week. I talked to a couple friends who had still been going regularly for the past eight months. They said the Y does a good job of keeping things clean, spreading people out, etc. I figured if these ladies have been going multiple times a week for eight months, without a vaccine, and have stayed healthy, it was probably safe for me to go back.

I worked out twice last week. The gym is definitely way less crowded than it was when I last went 56 weeks ago. I was worried about getting access to machines because so much of the cardio equipment is blocked off for distancing measures, but both times I walked in and stepped right onto an elliptical and got to work. It looks like a lot of people are still staying away.

We’ve also made our first plans to go out to dinner with friends in two weeks.

I will continue to wear a mask when out for the time being. Indiana dropped the mask mandate last week, although it is still in place in Indianapolis. I took L to Dick’s in Carmel to go shoe shopping yesterday, and there were quite a few people already walking around without masks. Despite the big signs when you walk in that the store still requires masks.

I try not to mask shame. Who knows, everyone I saw without a mask may have had their second shot two weeks ago, right?

It saddens me how selfish we are as a country. “You can’t make me wear a mask, it violates my personal freedom!” No one likes wearing a mask, but is it really that big of an inconvenience? I wear glasses and have to deal with them fogging up every time I wear a mask. It is annoying as hell, but it’s a temporary hassle towards the greater good. I don’t get why so many people can only look out for themselves and fail to understand that a little personal pain means we save lives plus get back to that normal quicker.

That said, I think this is a time for potentially great joy. Hopefully the reluctant idiots don’t counter the power of the vaccines and keep us in a lengthy cycle of flare-ups and mini-shut downs. We should be in awe of how quickly the vaccines were developed, tested, produced in mass quantities, and then rolled out. There were plenty of errors along the way. Yet here we are, 14 months after America began to shut down, and we are racing toward a majority of the country carrying a defense mechanism against Covid–19.

Along the way we made rapid changes to our lives, many of which were extremely difficult. But most of us bought in because we care about more than ourselves, and realize that all 350 million of us are in this together, whether we like it or not. If I was still young and idealistic I would start dreaming that this could be a jumping-off point for us to do other great things. Alas…

  1. Mondays remain virtual days at CHS, so she’ll just take a long lunch that day.  ↩

Whoa, We’re Halfway There…

March 17, 2021 /

One shot down, one to go.

That’s right, I am 50% of the way to being fully vaccinated against Covid 19!

Indiana dropped the age limit to 45 yesterday. A friend, who also turns 50 this June, told me Monday night he heard rumors the state would be dropping the requirement below 50 Tuesday morning. He got up early, checked the state health department’s website, and just before 8:00 it updated to say Hoosiers 45 and up were now eligible. He and his wife signed up, then texted me the news.

While most of the vaccine sites on our side of town are booked out for weeks, the big facility on the IU-Methodist medical campus downtown had plenty of times that day. I immediately grabbed one at the same time they were headed down. Seconds after I booked my time I got a notification from the Indy Star saying the age limit had dropped. About an hour later the health system S works in sent me a text saying I could sign up. I felt like I had gotten one over on the world!

M had not left for school yet, and when I told her she got super excited, which was nice.

I texted S, telling her that I had an appointment and her response was “Today?” You might wonder if she had given me some inside dope on when the age limit would drop, but being in the pediatric world she has no idea what’s going on in adult medicine. She, too, was happy when I confirmed that I indeed had an appointment later in the day.

Around noon I headed downtown, got in line, waited about 20 minutes to get checked in, got my shot, then waited with my friends in the auditorium until our 15 minute buffer period had passed to make sure we didn’t have reactions.

My arm was sore last night, and again this morning. More sore than from any recent flu shot, to be honest. Worth it, though.

S had no issues after her first shot in December, but the second knocked her out for a day. I scheduled my second shot for a Friday just in case I have issues, too. I’d rather waste a weekend day on the couch than have to navigate a day filled with pickups and drop-offs while feeling like shit.

The lady who was checking my insurance information asked if I was excited. I told her that I was. In fact I was a little surprised at how excited I was. The past year has had its struggles, but no one in our immediate family has been sick. I like to read and watch movies and hang out in our home/yard, so being home hasn’t been a huge burden on me.

I have, though, been worried about catching Covid. Odds are high that I would be fine, or maybe suffer for a few days and then bounce right back. I know it’s not just a “strong flu,” though, and was not interested in putting myself or my family through a situation where my body could not fight the infection and it became a problem. Our family, like most of you, have done some things that probably aren’t super safe. We’ve flown to Florida once and are about to do it again, for example. We’ve let our girls go to small sleepovers and birthday parties or just hang out with friends. But we have generally done a very good job of minimizing situations where we put ourselves at risk. A lot of that has been my insistence.

What has bothered me has been our inability to eat out, our lack of face-to-face socialization with friends, and not being able to go to the gym. Especially the gym. I’ve worked out at home but it’s not the same, especially on the cardio side of things. I can’t run much anymore, so not being able to use an elliptical machine has taken away my one way to really burn some calories. Throw in vertigo, which has prevented me doing from much cardio at all the past four months, and I’m pushing the most I’ve ever weighed. It’s nice to be tall and be able to hide it a bit, but I’m not sure I’ll go shirtless on the beach much next week.

The first thing I thought of when I scheduled my second shot was that I can start going back to the gym the following week. Hopefully my vertigo will continue to get better over that span. That, combined with three weeks of vaccine in me, will make me feel comfortable enough to un-pause my Y membership. I have several friends who have continued to work out, and they say the Y does a really good job of keeping equipment clean and the people inside safe. That just seemed like too much risk to me, though, so I’ve not been inside the gym in 53 weeks.

I’m excited that after another three weeks I can end that streak.

Also, hooray science!

The Pains of Getting Older: A (Long) Health Update

March 3, 2021 /

A couple weeks back I alluded to a health procedure I was about to go through and promised to share details down the road. I just wrapped up my seventh visit to a health care professional over the past two months, have an idea what is going on, and can finally give you an update on what’s going on with my body.

Sometime last fall I started feeling “different.” I was having frequent headaches, my vision was often funky, I was always tired, I had weakness in my legs, and had occasional spells of vertigo. I figured the headaches were because of new glasses, the fatigue from my sleep apnea, and the vertigo was brief and random. Put all that together and I didn’t worry about it too much. Minor annoyances that seemed to pass and I figured they would work themselves out.

By Thanksgiving they were getting more pronounced, so I mentioned them to S and asked if I should start with getting my glasses re-checked or touching base with my cardiologist. Since new glasses seemed to be the trigger, we started there. My eye doc checked my prescription and made a small adjustment, but didn’t think glasses should be causing me all those issues. I got new lenses right before Christmas and immediately everything got much worse. Crushing headaches, much worse vertigo, and a general malaise. The weekend before Christmas I pretty much sat in bed or on the couch all day because moving around made me feel so bad.

Now S was very concerned. She worked that Monday and talked to my doc on the family medicine side, who said I needed to come in right away. Because a few of my symptoms fell under the large Covid umbrella, I had to see the “sick” doc rather than my normal PCP. He tested me for Covid (negative), had some blood work done, and referred me to a neurologist. Trying to schedule with a specialist around the end/beginning of the year is a huge pain and I wasn’t able to see her until late January.

In the meantime I decided I didn’t have anything to lose and went back to my old glasses. Almost immediately the headaches went away. It took about three weeks for my eyes to adjust, but suddenly my vision wasn’t an issue. But the vertigo was still there, and pretty much a daily, constant occurrence compared the the momentary spells I began with in October.

When I met with the neurologist, she sent me to do both a VNG balance test and a brain MRI. In the VNG testing you wear goggles that track the movement of your eyes while both following moving objects and as you sit/lie in various positions while both hot and cold air is blown into your ears. Weird, right?

When I scheduled my MRI they asked if I was claustrophobic. I laughed and said, “I guess we’ll find out.” I didn’t think I was but I also had heard that an MRI tube can be uncomfortable.

I arrived for the MRI and the techs asked if I wanted to watch TV or listen to music. I figured with my glasses off TV would be useless so I asked for music. They asked if I wanted a warm blanket. That seemed silly – the room was plenty warm – so I declined. They said the tests would take about 30 minutes total. I’d do one without contrast that would take about 15 minutes, they’d slide me out, pop an IV in, and then send me back in for 15 more minutes. Seemed easy enough.

I laid down, they put the gear on my head, and slid me inside the tube. My first reaction was that the top of the tube was close to my face. Very close. I wasn’t sure I liked that very much. The techs were patting my legs to let me know that most of my body was outside and reminded me I had a button to squeeze if I needed anything. I took a deep breath. Then I thought, “I should push that button.” But that’s stupid, I’m safe and it hasn’t even been a minute yet. “Just chill out you loser.”

They called over the intercom and said they were warming up the equipment so I would likely hear some loud noises and we’d get started in about a minute. “I can do 15 minutes of this.” I thought.

But I kept having an urge to sit up, which was impossible with that wall three inches from my face. Fifteen minutes suddenly seemed like a very long time.

After talking myself down a few more times, my body finally said “Hell no!” I didn’t have a full-on panic attack, but I definitely wanted to get the fuck out of that tube. I fought it for another 20 seconds or so then squeezed the buzzer and told them I didn’t feel very comfortable.

They rushed in, got me out, and immediately began comforting me. “It’s no big deal, this happens a lot. Just have your physician prescribe a sedative and reschedule.”

I felt like a big dumbass. I think I was in the tube between 60 and 90 seconds. I texted S to let her know what happened. When she got home that night she said her partners all said, “MRI’s suck! They didn’t automatically sedate him? That’s crazy!” Where was this advice before I went in?!?!

I rescheduled for a day S could drive me, about 10 days later. I’m not exaggerating: at least five times in that stretch I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking about the MRI tube. I saw no way this was going to work out well.

On the day of my second attempt I took one of the two tabs of Xanax my doctor prescribed me 90 minutes before the test. After an hour I didn’t feel any different. The label said I could take the second if needed. When I told S I was still nervous she said, “Take it, you dumbass!” So I popped it and we headed to the imaging center.

Because of Covid she couldn’t go in with me and I was on my own. I’ve heard that Xanax makes some people very mellow and sleepy. Not me, I was edgy and wide awake. I did not see any scenario in which this worked out.

When I entered the MRI room, I opted for the TV goggles, hoping not seeing the tube wall would help me stay relaxed. I accepted the warm blanket. And since I had failed once I think the guys moved a little quicker than normal. I watched ESPN’s NBA show The Jump for about 15 minutes, remained calm, and survived the MRI. When I got home I took a two-hour nap. I guess the sedative effects of the Xanax finally kicked in.

Expert advice: if you need to have an MRI, ask for the sedative!

I should back up for a moment. When things got bad in December, S said she was worried that some of my symptoms were indicative of multiple sclerosis. I was worried I had a brain tumor. On the nights when my headaches were especially painful I would search for brain cancer symptoms, treatments, and prognoses. Uplifting stuff!

I got the MRI results the night of my test. It was pretty clean. No signs of MS or tumors or other red-flags. That was a huge relief.

I had not seen the results of my VNG testing yet, but my neurologist’s assistant called and shared that it showed I have peripheral vertigo. She referred me to a balance therapist. I had my first therapy session last week, and while there was told that I have some fairly significant damage to the vestibular nerve in one of my ears, and that was the most likely cause of my vertigo/balance issues. They started me on a regimen of exercises that are designed to retrain my brain to work around this damage.

What’s weird about that is I haven’t experienced any of the triggers the therapist suggested can cause this damage: a sudden, high fever; an infection; some kinds of antibiotics. And while this is not related to my auditory nerves, I also haven’t had any noticeable hearing loss in that ear. Well, aside from the usual stuff an almost 50-year-old who has listened to lots of loud music would have.

I’ve been doing the exercises three times a day. For the first couple days I noticed an immediate improvement, which seemed too good to be true. Perhaps it was a mirage, because the last three days I’ve been as off-balance as I’ve ever been.

I met with my neurologist’s nurse practitioner this morning to go over everything. She said based on the combination of MRI and VNG results, they were very confident the nerve damage was the explanation. She said she has never seen anyone fail to get better after going through the therapy process. I asked about the causes, since I had not had any kind of traumatic experience, and she said it is kind of a mystery: some people go through a singular event that triggers it, in others it appears without explanation. And it can happen in healthy people just as easily as people who already have issues.

It has been a rather strange 4–5 months. These issues all fall into the “annoyance” category rather than being truly debilitating. There are certain situations that I know will trigger things. When the symptoms kick in I feel very “off,” but it’s not like I am unable to do normal activities. They just feel very different and I have to take some extra care. While I feel off-balance, I never feel like I’m going to fall. I’ve had to cut back my workout routine a bit. Which is annoying in the winter when the extra pounds add up far too easily. I will head to Florida in two weeks at my highest-ever spring break weight.

I’m hopeful my medical team is correct on the cause and that the treatment will in fact get my brain to work around the issue so I can move beyond this.

I also had my annual check-up with my cardiologist two weeks ago. Since I had the two episodes of irregular heartbeat in 2019, I haven’t had any repeats. Or at least ones of the length that sent me in to get my heart tested. Every now and then I’ll feel my heart do something odd, but whether that is truly my Afib kicking in, or it’s just me being more sensitive to normal variances I do not know. My EKG came back clean. Blood pressure probably a tick higher than ideal, but in line with where it has been. She said to stick with my CPAP as it’s the best thing I can do to keep my heart in proper rhythm. I hate the CPAP – S really hates it – but if it keeps me healthy it is worth it.

Bottom line: getting old kind of sucks as your body does weird things. But I know I’m lucky that, so far, all my issues have been identifiable, manageable, and not life threatening. As I prepare to enter my sixth decade, that’s about all I can ask for.

An Univited Ghost

December 7, 2020 /

One of the greatest things about the Internet is the ability to dive into your past, to try to clarify memories that have become hazy over time or reconnect with people who were once an integral part of your life.

I don’t do a whole lot of biographical scrolling these days. It’s been years since I’ve looked up an ex-girlfriend or classmate. The closest I’ve come is a couple years back when I spent a few winter nights in Google maps working to find the various houses of my youth.

That changed this Sunday. I was reading an appreciation for the legendary Eric B and Rakim album Paid in Full. As I read, I was reminded of how I came to know and love that album.

It was in the late summer/early fall of 1987, during my family’s year in California. There was a Sunday afternoon hip hop show on the Stanford student radio station, which I could just barely pick up from our suburb near Oakland. In fact, in order to record the show for re-listening, I had to use my stepdad’s 1970s radio and run a patch cord to my old-school cassette tape recorder. Thus, for the next week I would listen to a very hissy, low volume, MONO tape to review these new songs and artists. At some point, I heard an Eric B and Rakim song on that show, which led me to buy their album, and it became one of my favorites ever.

Along with that was the story of how a classmate borrowed my tape to make a copy and then kept forgetting to return it. Finally, during my final week at San Leandro High School, my friend got a delivery from the office. Moments later he handed me my tape.[1]

It had been a long, long time since I thought of my year at SLHS. In some ways that time was incredibly influential on the next few years of my life. In others, it was just a year that was a quick pause from how the other 48 years have gone. After returning to Kansas City, I tried to write letters to a few of the people I had befriended out there, but I don’t think any ever wrote me back. Once, while on a business trip to the Bay Area in the early 2000s, I was staying a couple exits away from my old neighborhood. After a dinner with clients, I made a quick cruise down the street we lived on. But by the time things like Facebook came on the scene, it was far too late to attempt to track anyone from those days down.

Until yesterday. Reading the Paid in Full article and having those memories made me wonder what happened to the people I had struck brief friendships with. I did some searching for the one or two names I could definitively recall and eventually found a page dedicated to the SLHS graduating class of 1989. The site appears to have been put together at least 12 years ago, in preparation for the class’ 20th reunion. Three hundred and seventeen names were listed. I scrolled through them and was humbled by how few I could recall. I moved back to Missouri 33 years ago and was only at the school for 11 months, but it still felt like more names should jump out at me.

When I attempted to click on the profile of the few names I recognized, I was informed that I had to be a registered user to access profiles and contact information. For a moment I wondered if I could request access from the administrators, explaining that I had been a part of that class for a year, and see if they would allow me in. Although quite old, there are little signs that the site has been updated in recent years. I don’t know how many people still look at it, but might it be worth sending a message and saying, “Hey, I was with you from January through November 1987, anyone remember me?”

Beyond not recognizing very many names, what also jumped out at me was how 20 people in the class were listed as deceased. The class of 1989 is beginning to turn 50, so that number is probably right about where it should be. It still felt high to me. I checked with one of my friends from RHS and he said the latest total showed 17 of our 330-ish classmates have passed.

I clicked on the biographies of all the SLHS alums who were listed as deceased. For most there were recreations of obituaries, or at least comments that provided the cause of death. There were a lot of cancer victims. A couple car accidents, one just a few weeks after they had graduated. Two guys were stabbed to death. There were a lot of suicides, including one of the few people I remembered. It was a guy, Todd, who was in a couple of my classes. I remembered his name well because one day, in May of 1987, our teacher asked him why he looked so tired. He said a bunch of kids had quit at the golf course he worked at and he had to work late the previous night.

A lightbulb went off. We lived right around the corner from that golf course and my summer plan had been to get a job there. That afternoon, as soon as my parents were home, I ran over to the course, introduced myself at the pro shop, filled out some forms, and that night was helping to pick the range. That was my first job. I worked there until the week before we returned to the Midwest in November. Those six—ish months were filled with good times, eye opening experiences, and went a long way towards building my love of hip hop as my coworkers and I swapped tapes to listen to on our Walkmen while we cleared the range at night.

Todd killed himself in 1996. There were several comments under his name, but none gave any hint as to what he was going through that led him to take his own life. I tried not to think too much about that. Instead I recalled a night when we took two girls we worked with to the park that sat between the golf course and the San Francisco Bay. I was interested in one girl, and she flirted with me often. But she went off into the darkness of the park with Todd, and I was left with her friend who I had no particular attraction to and who seemed equally uninterested in me. If it had been 25 years later, we would have sat there staring at our phones. But it was 1987 so we sat on a park bench in awkward silence, wondering how long it would take our friends to go however far they were going to go in the trees.

It was very strange to jump into this little rabbit hole from my past. Strange not because of the memories it brought back, but because I felt like a stranger dropping in on someone else’s past. It’s not like I went to SLHS for several years, or grew up in middle school with this class and then left. I was there for less than a year, struggled to make friends, and the people I did know didn’t seem interested in staying in touch with me after I left. I was a blip in their high school years, buried by over 30 years of life. If I was able to connect with that group, I would feel like an outsider infringing on their private area. I had not earned the right, in my brief time there, to jump back into their community.

  1. I wrote about this episode in the early days of the blog. I remembered a few more details about it back then.  ↩

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