Month: December 2003

Goodbye 2003, Hello 2004

We’re off to scenic French Lick, IN in a couple hours. No, we’re not camping out in Larry Bird’s front yard. We’re sharing a cabin with two other couples for the next two days. I had no idea, but apparently French Lick is kind of resorty. More in a Hot Springs way than a Branson way, but Larry is trying to build a casino there so there’s always hope that we won’t have to drive nine hours to see Andy Williams in the near future. I guess it’s fairly cool down there, though. Every time I tell someone that’s where we’re spending the holiday, they act like it’s a good thing. Or maybe that’s just Hoosier sarcasm and I don’t get it yet.

2003 was certainly an eventful year. I got married (twice for good measure). Was in two other weddings. Bought a house. Moved. Traveled to New Mexico, Oregon, Colorado, Arizona, Washington, and California for work. Went to South Carolina and the Caribbean for pleasure. Loved Roy Williams. Cursed Roy Williams. Bought a new Final Four shirt. Bought a Tangerine Bowl shirt. Enjoyed the best Royals season in over a decade. Read a lot of books, listened to a lot of music. Even with some work-related headaches, and other annoyances along the way, it was certainly the best year of my life. I must be doing something right if I can say that when the last five years have been pretty damn good too. Hopefully 2004 is full of excitement, happiness, and good health too.

I’ll not be posting until Monday, probably. (I just realized last night I have to put together some kind of Big 8+4 basketball preview by Monday. I thought the season didn’t open until next Saturday.) I hope all of you have happy and safe New Years celebrations (especially those of you in New York and Las Vegas). And may your 2004s be full of all that you hope and dream for.

Mid-Holiday Catch Up

I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. Thus Internet Santa failed to bring me the additional web hosting space or wireless Internet base I was hoping for. Remember when we were kids and the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to stretch on for an eternity? I’m not really sure where the last four weeks went, but they passed by entirely too quickly. I didn’t even get a chance to watch It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story this year. Que bummer! As an added bummer, unlike the 10-12 days we got off as kids, now we only get a couple days off to relax. No more spending an entire week in front of the new Atari for 20 hours a day, listening to my new stack of tapes, or creating Dungeons and Dragons characters for a solid week.

The real Santa was good to me, though. I got a new pair of jeans, a copy of The Beatles Revolver, Old School on DVD, and the latest Stephen King Dark Tower book. A new belt! Boxers! Slippers! Yep, married life is good. We have been busily accumulating furniture, so there weren’t a lot of fun things to get for the house. Speaking of new furnishings, I’m sitting on our new sectional couch in the basement watching Spies Like Us as I type this. I just need to throw on Sheila E’s “Love Bizarre” and it’s Christmas 1985 all over again.

Remember that stretch of bad luck I mentioned earlier in the week? Well, it got even better on Wednesday. S was at the airport picking up one of her sisters and her car got towed. That’s one dead battery, one clogged sewer line, and one $150 bill for a towed car in three days. But no flu yet!

Friday night, after getting all the brothers, sisters, and stepsisters together for dinner, we returned to our house for the annual Trivial Pursuit game. In the past, it’s been males vs. females. Consider yourself lucky that there was no blog last year. Otherwise you would have heard in great depth about our epic, two males vs. six females victory, keyed by my unprecedented four pie pieces on one turn performance. One of the stepsisters received the new Pop Culture DVD edition, which features the ability to steal pie piece turns from others. We were in four groups of two, and again I led my team to a glorious victory. Unfortunately, the rest of the family isn’t as impressed with my performance as I am. “You married a dork,” was an assessment S received after I correctly identified RIF as Reading Is Fundamental (Bonus of playing with Catholic schooled people: the book van never came to their schools). People really freaked out when I knew who Up With People were. Call me a dork; I just know I’m the undisputed king of Trivial Pursuit around here. What percentage of Trivial Pursuit games each year are played between Christmas and New Years anyway?

Christmas Eve Mass was quite an event. We attend at the church S grew up in. The priest is originally from Ireland, so although he has only a slight accent, it really comes out on words like condemnation, and damnation. You know, good Catholic words. Saying those over-and-over helps get through the homily. For the second straight he, he screamed at us, as if there was no microphone in front of him. It’s safe to say he’s not big on reforms in the Church either, as each year he’s focused on an old-school view of things. But it’s always fun to say “mayercy” (mercy) and “Jayzus” afterwards. It was also fun to look up and down our pew (the family takes up an entire row) and notice that I towered over everyone. Not so fun was sitting one spot away from a very off-key grandmother. I glanced at her once, when she was about three notes off during “Silent Night”, saw my brother-in-law eyeing her dismissively, and almost lost it. I couldn’t look that direction the remainder of the Mass. I observed that we don’t use the word hark enough anymore. I think I’ll start doing that. “Hark, Keith Langford seems to be a little out of synch tonight.” Finally, there was no distraction like last year, when I could look out the windows behind the altar and watch the snow blowing sideways and wonder how much accumulated for each time the priest yelled “vairgin” at us.

I’ve watched at least 20 hours of the Saturday Night Live marathon on Comedy Central. I may lobby the government for an educational grant to obtain copies of every episode in the history of the program, and then compile a list of the greatest episodes, individual sketches, and musical acts. Sounds like a decent way to earn a living. Based on what I’ve seen, the top five guest hosts are: 1) Alec Baldwin. Even in bad years, he makes it a great show. 2) Steve Martin. Spans the gap from the Not For Prime Timers through the show’s other ages. 3) Tom Hanks. Always good. 4) John Goodman. 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar. Surprisingly funny, hot, and not afraid to work with the sexual humor. Future contender: Jack Black. Top cast members: 1) Eddie Murphy. Freaking carried the show across three bad years. 2) John Belushi. Sheer genius. 3) Will Ferrell. Appeared during a period with fairly solid casts, and still managed to be in almost every sketch. 4) Phil Hartman. More than a voice. 5) Bill Murray. The kinder, gentler side of Belushi’s genius.

So what’s the deal with this Microtouch personal trimmer than has been advertised incessantly over the holidays? I swear that’s the only thing that I’ve seen an ad for on Comedy Central, VH1, or the ESPNs over the past week. Ad rates are either very low on cable over the holidays, or these things are selling like hotcakes and there’s a lot of income to buy seven days worth of time.

Why do home crowds boo NFL officials when they look at the replay and overrule a call that’s obvious? In the Colts-Texans game, Houston scored, the play was reviewed, and the receiver’s foot clearly came down out of bounds. Yet the fans lustily booed the decision. It’s one thing to boo a fumble that occurs in a pile-up where there’s no good angle to see it. But when every replay clearly shows the receiver was out of bounds, how can you boo the decision?

Why is Magic Johnson on the Best Damn Sports Show in a UCLA jersey? Seriously, someone explain this one to me.

Christmas Classics

One of my biggest failings in recent weeks has been not providing you with my guide to modern Christmas music. Initially, I wanted to review Band-Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas” and John Lennon’s “So This Is Christmas”. Then, on my drive from San Jose to Monterey, as I listened to the CD I made for Christmas a year ago, I thought of doing a little blurb on each song I added to that disk. Finally, I decided to pick the highlights from the disk rather than each song. This began in my hotel room in Tucson while watching Rudolph. Sadly, I’m just finishing it now. Hopefully you can use this to prepare for next year’s holidays.

“The 12 Days of Christmas” – Bob & Doug McKenzie – I just discovered what a toque is. So after 20 years, the song finally makes sense. To an 11 year old in 1982, this was the height of comedic genius. Who would have imagined that Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara, not Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas would be the most visible stars of SCTV two decades down the road (Not to mention John Candy, RIP)? For those not familiar with the Canadian version:
A Beer in a tree
Two turtlenecks
Three French toasts
Four pounds of back bacon
Five golden toques
Six packs of two-fours
Seven packs of smokes
Eight comic books
They got distracted and missed the last four days.

“Father Christmas” – The Kinks: Full of classic Davies Brothers smarminess, a great song that just happens to be about Christmas. “Father Christmas, give us some money. Don’t mess around with those silly toys. We’ll beat you up if you don’t hand it over. We want your bread, so don’t make us annoyed. Give all your toys, to the little rich boys.”

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Bruce Springsteen. Pure holiday joy. “He’s coming up through Philly. Flying over New York. He’s flying down the Jersey Turnpike.”

“Do They Know It’s Christmas” – Band-Aid: The song that launched 1000 tributes. It’s not possible to underestimate how important this song was, how perfectly it fit its times, and how great a song it is to boot. Pure pop simplicity, if you had to pick one song that summed up all the best of the New Wave, pick this. It trounces the utterly ridiculous US counter “We Are the World”. Where the US singers were all made up following the Grammy’s, and the video was heavily produced, Band-Aid was done on low budget, with many of the artists looking as if they had just rolled out of bed to be there. Forget Ethiopia in 1984, it’s a timeless message that deserves to be repeated each year. The only downsides to the song: Phil Collins’ visible presence and allowing Sting to sing a line with the word “sting” in it. “There’s a world outside your window, and it’s a world of dread and fear.”

“So This Is Christmas (War is Over)” – John Lennon: Band-Aid’s older brother, a classic song of the season with a social message. Yoko’s completely over-the-top singing actually makes the song. I’ve always loved the drums coming out of each chorus and the big, bouncing bass line. It just destroys Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” once again proving John was the better Beatle. “And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?”

“Chanukah Song” – Adam Sandler: I’m not a huge Sandler fan. This works nicely, however. “OJ Simpson, NOT A JEW!”

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” – John Cougar Mellencamp: A great example of taking a classic song of the season and converting it to an artist’s sound. The bluesy, southern sound Mellencamp provides here is gorgeous. Adding JCM’s then toddler daughter for the closing chorus was an excellent touch.

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – Various: I’ve always thought this an odd Christmas song, because when sung properly, it’s actually kind of sad and somber. An extremely popular song, I have versions by Coldplay, the Pretenders, Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo, and Diana Krall. Mr. Hanky tugs at the heart with his emotional reading (complete with toilet flush at the end), but Coldplay’s rings truest.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” – U2: Darlene Love’s original version is arguably the greatest rock era Christmas song ever (Bonus trivia: Love was Danny Glover’s wife in all four Lethal Weapon movies). David Letterman has said as much. U2’s version is both true to the original, and modern in sound. More a song about lost love than Christmas, you can hear the pain in Bono’s voice. The band is in extremely fine form as well.

“Christmas in Hollis” – RUN-DMC: There were hip-hop Christmas songs before, and since, but it’s never been any better than the masters from Hollis. I love DMC throwing typical MC stylings in, like “the rhymes that you hear are the rhymes of Darrell…” “It’s Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. Mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens.”

“O Holy Night” – Eric Cartman: South Park kids + cattle prod = genius. “Those aren’t the words, Eric!”

“Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo” – South Park: A modern icon for Christmas, suitable for all religions, colors, and creeds. I hope all of you remembered to eat your fiber on Christmas Eve and got a visit. “Sometimes he’s nutty, sometimes he’s corny, he can be green or greenish brown.”

Gratifying Travel Moment

In catch-up mode, so look for more here tomorrow. However, I had to share this experience from yesterday’s trip home. We flew through Chicago, which naturally meant we spent an extra two hours waiting for our plane to arrive. We were flying Southwest, and since there were no seats in the waiting area, we decided if we had to sit on the floor, we might as well start the line for the B boarding group (Yes, we were those people. But only because there were no open chairs.).

Our plane finally arrives, they off-load the inbound passengers, call for preboards, then group A, and finally us poor slobs in group B. S. was first, so I trailed behind her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a guy angling towards the line from the side. This was a full flight, meaning there were probably 40 people behind us in B, and another 30 or so in the C line. Apparently this guy had no time for lines or regulations (We’re living in a society!) and wanted to secure a seat before everyone else. I smartly spread my elbows out, turned my back to him, and made the gear I was carrying as wide as possible. No way dude was getting by me; I’d let the people behind me worry about him. We enter the jet way, and I glance back and see him three people behind me. Ass, but he didn’t beat me on. Someone else was the sucker. We get halfway down the jetway and a call comes back from the boarding agents.
“David Jennings! David Jennings!” (Names have been changed to protect the subject, and because I don’t really remember his name.)
Ass dude stops, turns, and yells, “Yes.”
“Are you going to Houston?”
“Yes!”
“You’re on the wrong plane.”
Tail between legs, he retreats to the waiting area. There were some lighthearted comments from other passengers to Indy that they should have let him go on the wrong flight as punishment for jumping the line. But one girl was indignant. “I’m sorry to be rude, but that’s just not right that you let him in front of us. He shouldn’t get to jump in front of people who have been waiting for hours.” It sounded like she was all over the guy for getting in front of her. We later heard he turned and said, “We’re all getting on the same plane” to her.

Listen, I love Southwest for personal travel under two hours because it’s so cheap. And I can deal with all the hassles you put up with because of the price. But idiots like this make me wish they would just assign seats, or cordone off sections for each group, or some other way of adding a little more order to the process. Between the assholes who don’t respect the rules or other travelers, and the large number of old ladies who don’t understand the boarding process, Southwest really does a number on my blood pressure the 5-6 times I fly them each year.

Back Home In Indiana

West Coast Dispatch

Tuesday evening: Odd trip. I’ve had difficulty connecting to the Internet each day, apparently I’m completely wiped out right now, so I can just sit here, watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and fire up the laptop. Speaking of Rudolph, the scene when the Elves sing to Santa, “We are Santa’s elves!” while he sits and listens strikes me as a little too fascist. Maybe it’s because the History Channel has shown nothing but Nazi documentaries all day, so that’s on the brain. The crazed look the reindeer get when first encountering Rudolph’s glowing snout is a little disconcerting as well.

We watched the Charlie Brown Christmas special last week (It’s on again later this week if you missed it). Little known fact: when I was five or six, my mom banned all Charlie Brown cartoons in our house. Did my mom have political differences with Charles Shultz? Nope. Someone she had dated long ago was involved with making the specials? Not that either. It’s because I would completely lose it anytime I watched. I think some of it had to do with how much poor Chuck got put down, both by himself and others. I was a sensitive lad and picked up on these things. It didn’t matter if it was the Great Pumpkin, the Thanksgiving special, or a Charlie Brown Christmas. I cried like a baby. The last straw was when Snoopy Come Home was on that fall. When Snoopy set out by himself, I couldn’t handle it. I sat in the corner and cried for what seemed like hours. It didn’t matter that he came home, I just kept on crying. It was probably a year before I was allowed to watch Peanuts cartoons again, and I think my mom made sure other kids were around so I was shamed into not crying.

Arizona is a strange place. On one hand, like the new south, it’s becoming more integrated, progressive, and the cities look more and more like every other city. But its maverick roots are always quite apparent. I saw one truck with a bumper sticker that said, “I’ve never seen an American flag burned at a gun show.” I’m not really sure what that means, or what one has to do with the other, but it seems representative of a certain element here. Even more interesting was a truck I was behind last night. Confederate flag flying on one side, an unknown state flag that featured the stars and bars on the other side. Confederate flag stickers plastered on the sides and tail gate. Then, for added effect, some more pointed comments were painted on the truck’s body. “Lee Surrendered but I didn’t.” A few anti-UN comments. Then, a list of various dates of importance to those on the far, far right: Ruby Ridge, Waco, etc. And this person is just driving down the streets of Tucson! Weird.

Monterey was brilliant. I woke to sounds of seals barking out on the piers. I highly recommend the Doubletree near Fisherman’s Warf and Cannery Row if you have the occasion to pass time in Monterey. $89/night rates during the week, extremely nice rooms, friendly service, warm cookies at check-in, and walking distance to many of Monterey’s most popular sites. The weather was absolutely perfect: sunny, 65, not a cloud in the sky. My meeting ended earlier than expected, so I marched up to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, dropped $17.95, and saw the penguins I’ve been watching on the Internet for months in person. Try as I might, I couldn’t coax them into jumping into the water, or running around (penguins do tricks, right?). They preferred to stand there and try to keep their eyes open. Apparently my favorite birds are quite adept and performing the trick of being drowsy. On occasion, they would change locations, which caused other penguins to snap at them in territorial dust-ups. Penguins also seem to have quite a range with their excrement. Without warning, they fire off massive blasts of semi-digested fish. It was equally gross and impressive. I would watch them for five minutes, then go check out some fish or otters or something, and then come back. Naturally, while I was away, there had been some kind of movement amongst the birds, but they were back to their drowsy ways as soon as I reappeared. Oh well, it was worth it.

If Charlie Brown made me cry, why didn’t the Island of Misfit toys? How depressing is that? Or maybe I did cry when Rudolph set out by himself after being called a misfit among misfits. This is seriously depressing. Every time Rudolph makes a friend, he loses them because of his freakish nose.

More notes while in the sky between Tucson and Chicago on Wednesday.

My first true Chicago flying experience. I’ve sat on the taxiway at O’Hare before, or in the lobby of another airport for an extra 30 minutes allowing traffic to clear before my flight departed. In fact, my first flight Sunday sat on the runway for 20 minutes before they could squeeze us into the pattern. But today was different. We were warned before we boarded that we should expect to be delayed up to an hour. So we pile on the plane, back out of the gate, and sit. No biggie, I was working on 3 ½ hours of sleep, so I grabbed a pillow, lay my head against the window, and slept for about 50 minutes. I woke to the cheery news that they had added an additional 45 minutes to our delay. Yes, there was some weather in Chicago, but the delay was primarily related to extra flights in and out of Chi-town added this time of year. Query: why add the flights if you can’t handle them, or if even a rainstorm will cause horrific backups? Just a thought. If we go the full 45 minutes, chances are I’ll miss my connection’s scheduled departure time. But it may be delayed too, and there are other flights to Indy this afternoon, so I’m not too worried. After 20 minutes, the captain breaks in to tell us we’ve been cleared. We hustle out to the runway and sit. Like many western airports, Tucson shares runways with a military base, so commercial and military traffic is staggered. We sit an additional ten minutes while eight F-16s take turns landing. Great, they’re protecting the airspace of landlocked Arizona and we’re forced to sit and wait.

Another DDB travel pet-peeve: the people who despite carefully numbered boarding groups, insist on barging in an established line in front of others. I’m quite proud of my Gold status with American, which allows me to board in Group One of each flight. I’m probably tenth in line this morning, with another ten plus people behind me in our group, and a lady comes barreling into the line three people in front of me. She’s clearly a part of Group One; she’s getting on the plane first. Why the rush? Not nearly as bad as Southwest, were people rarely have any qualms about jumping in front of 30 other people who have been waiting for an hour. We make our way onto the plane, she takes her seat, and I move to mine about five rows behind her. I get situated and notice that she’s pulling pillows out of the overhead bin space and throwing them towards seats behind her. A few land in the aisle, which she just leaves there. Is she trying to be helpful? Does she hate pillows? Is she a former flight attendant who can’t help herself? Whatever, she’s really pissing me off. A corresponding pet peeve are people who come rushing forward when exiting the plane and don’t adhere to the long established Zipper Principle. If you’re rushing to make a connection, that’s fine: let me know, ask if you can go ahead, and I’ll let you proceed. Otherwise, we’re all in the same situation. Cool your jets and let the people in front of you get off.

The space between airline seats fascinates me. I enjoy the angled glimpse of people you get. I like to check out what people are reading, working on, etc. Sometimes you hear far too much of their conversations, and the temptation becomes maddening. Other times, you can’t stop looking at the person in front of you simply because there’s nothing else to do. Today, for example, there’s a woman who vaguely resembles Alex Kingston, better known as Dr. Elizabeth Corday on ER. She falls into the “can’t stop glancing” category. She’s caught me a couple of times, but I like to think she enjoys it. Still, should I lean forward and tell her I just think she looks like an actress whose work I enjoy, I’m not stalking at 31,000 feet? She’s installing her iPod now. I’ll go ahead and stop before this gets too weird.

Dec. 1

I’m trying to get some work done today. Really. But it seems like I lose my network connection every five minutes. Outlook hasn’t worked for about 30 minutes. That’s all I need, when I’m in the proverbial donut week at work. Holiday last week. This weekend, visitors from Kansas City. Next work week, a trip to California and Arizona. Next weekend, a trip to Kansas City for a KU game and the Sinatra Party. I don’t need these motivational land mines.

December 1. To me, that’s the official start of the holiday season. I like a buffer between Thanksgiving and Christmas. No shopping the first weekend of the season for me. Hopefully you and yours had safe and happy weekends. Thanksgiving in Carmel, IN was uneventful, save a plumbing incident. We fed 12 people until they were happy. We played bad games. I took several long naps, read a lot, watched three movies (including the first of many viewings of Christmas Vacation). Funny thing, when you’re cooking for 12, you don’t have time to sit down and watch any football. I saw a total of five minutes of football Thursday, which was a little disappointing.

On the food tip, it was a very traditional Thanksgiving week here. Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, corn, rolls. All book ended with sushi on Tuesday (My first eel experience, which I was pleased with) and Indian food Saturday (I chose the Tandoori mixed grill. Outstanding!). Pretty traditional.

Speaking of plumbing, I enjoy dropping $250 to have a guy come run 35 feet of steel cable between our house and the main sewer line. Plumbing sure is some racket.

Whatever Frenchie came up with the term “a la mode” deserves a Nobel Prize.

I began this discussion with a couple of your this morning, but what’s the deal with Dan Dierdorf? Is there a worse announcer at a high level than him? The bombast and In Love With His Own Voice qualities of Dick Vitale without any of the charm and passion Vitale brings. The apparent obligation to comment on everything. And I mean everything. Worse, most of his observations aren’t good and he laughs as though he’s made some great joke every ten seconds. I think my favorite broadcast experiment was when ABC let Dierdorf do college games by himself for a year or two. He had no problem filling the airspace normally reserved for 2-3 people on his own. But, of course, he went to Michigan and he’s smarter than everyone else. I got to listen to him last week doing the Colts game, then yesterday for the Chiefs. His flaws are exacerbated by Dick Enberg, who’s about 20 years past his prime. Is it really that hard to put old announcers out to pasture?

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