I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. Thus Internet Santa failed to bring me the additional web hosting space or wireless Internet base I was hoping for. Remember when we were kids and the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to stretch on for an eternity? I’m not really sure where the last four weeks went, but they passed by entirely too quickly. I didn’t even get a chance to watch It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story this year. Que bummer! As an added bummer, unlike the 10-12 days we got off as kids, now we only get a couple days off to relax. No more spending an entire week in front of the new Atari for 20 hours a day, listening to my new stack of tapes, or creating Dungeons and Dragons characters for a solid week.
The real Santa was good to me, though. I got a new pair of jeans, a copy of The Beatles Revolver, Old School on DVD, and the latest Stephen King Dark Tower book. A new belt! Boxers! Slippers! Yep, married life is good. We have been busily accumulating furniture, so there weren’t a lot of fun things to get for the house. Speaking of new furnishings, I’m sitting on our new sectional couch in the basement watching Spies Like Us as I type this. I just need to throw on Sheila E’s “Love Bizarre” and it’s Christmas 1985 all over again.
Remember that stretch of bad luck I mentioned earlier in the week? Well, it got even better on Wednesday. S was at the airport picking up one of her sisters and her car got towed. That’s one dead battery, one clogged sewer line, and one $150 bill for a towed car in three days. But no flu yet!
Friday night, after getting all the brothers, sisters, and stepsisters together for dinner, we returned to our house for the annual Trivial Pursuit game. In the past, it’s been males vs. females. Consider yourself lucky that there was no blog last year. Otherwise you would have heard in great depth about our epic, two males vs. six females victory, keyed by my unprecedented four pie pieces on one turn performance. One of the stepsisters received the new Pop Culture DVD edition, which features the ability to steal pie piece turns from others. We were in four groups of two, and again I led my team to a glorious victory. Unfortunately, the rest of the family isn’t as impressed with my performance as I am. “You married a dork,” was an assessment S received after I correctly identified RIF as Reading Is Fundamental (Bonus of playing with Catholic schooled people: the book van never came to their schools). People really freaked out when I knew who Up With People were. Call me a dork; I just know I’m the undisputed king of Trivial Pursuit around here. What percentage of Trivial Pursuit games each year are played between Christmas and New Years anyway?
Christmas Eve Mass was quite an event. We attend at the church S grew up in. The priest is originally from Ireland, so although he has only a slight accent, it really comes out on words like condemnation, and damnation. You know, good Catholic words. Saying those over-and-over helps get through the homily. For the second straight he, he screamed at us, as if there was no microphone in front of him. It’s safe to say he’s not big on reforms in the Church either, as each year he’s focused on an old-school view of things. But it’s always fun to say “mayercy” (mercy) and “Jayzus” afterwards. It was also fun to look up and down our pew (the family takes up an entire row) and notice that I towered over everyone. Not so fun was sitting one spot away from a very off-key grandmother. I glanced at her once, when she was about three notes off during “Silent Night”, saw my brother-in-law eyeing her dismissively, and almost lost it. I couldn’t look that direction the remainder of the Mass. I observed that we don’t use the word hark enough anymore. I think I’ll start doing that. “Hark, Keith Langford seems to be a little out of synch tonight.” Finally, there was no distraction like last year, when I could look out the windows behind the altar and watch the snow blowing sideways and wonder how much accumulated for each time the priest yelled “vairgin” at us.
I’ve watched at least 20 hours of the Saturday Night Live marathon on Comedy Central. I may lobby the government for an educational grant to obtain copies of every episode in the history of the program, and then compile a list of the greatest episodes, individual sketches, and musical acts. Sounds like a decent way to earn a living. Based on what I’ve seen, the top five guest hosts are: 1) Alec Baldwin. Even in bad years, he makes it a great show. 2) Steve Martin. Spans the gap from the Not For Prime Timers through the show’s other ages. 3) Tom Hanks. Always good. 4) John Goodman. 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar. Surprisingly funny, hot, and not afraid to work with the sexual humor. Future contender: Jack Black. Top cast members: 1) Eddie Murphy. Freaking carried the show across three bad years. 2) John Belushi. Sheer genius. 3) Will Ferrell. Appeared during a period with fairly solid casts, and still managed to be in almost every sketch. 4) Phil Hartman. More than a voice. 5) Bill Murray. The kinder, gentler side of Belushi’s genius.
So what’s the deal with this Microtouch personal trimmer than has been advertised incessantly over the holidays? I swear that’s the only thing that I’ve seen an ad for on Comedy Central, VH1, or the ESPNs over the past week. Ad rates are either very low on cable over the holidays, or these things are selling like hotcakes and there’s a lot of income to buy seven days worth of time.
Why do home crowds boo NFL officials when they look at the replay and overrule a call that’s obvious? In the Colts-Texans game, Houston scored, the play was reviewed, and the receiver’s foot clearly came down out of bounds. Yet the fans lustily booed the decision. It’s one thing to boo a fumble that occurs in a pile-up where there’s no good angle to see it. But when every replay clearly shows the receiver was out of bounds, how can you boo the decision?
Why is Magic Johnson on the Best Damn Sports Show in a UCLA jersey? Seriously, someone explain this one to me.