Over the weekend I dug into the blog archives a little bit. I would pull up a random month from the past and scroll through the entries, skimming any that jumped out at me. I had thought a good quarantine project would be to re-read through the entire history of the site, but I never got around to that. Maybe that can be a winter project.

As I went through Septembers of the past, I realized to keep with precedent, I should throw together some NFL predictions for the upcoming season. Who knows how long the season will last and what it will look like as it progresses. And we all know who is going to win the hypothetical Super Bowl, baring an injury to one particular player. So maybe this is a waste of time and space. But seems like I should post something to keep up with history.

These are always half-assed, as I loathe the NFL offseason and all the hype that comes with it. This was an especially odd off-season, though, so I anticipate even more “I didn’t know that guy was on that team!” moments in the first month of the year than usual. Which makes these even more half-assed. And that seems appropriate for 2020!

AFC East

New England. Yeah, yeah, I know. But seriously, you trust Buffalo over Belichick? Come on. I also happen to think Cam Newton is going to do just fine and Josh McDaniels will embrace the options Cam offers that Tom Brady didn’t. The Pats might only be 9–7, but I can’t believe the Bills will win 10 games.

AFC North

Baltimore. I’m not sure I believe all the hype on Lamar Jackson. He’s definitely an amazing player. But I wonder if everything he did last year is repeatable. Or at least repeatable at the same level, or higher, that he did in 2019. Even if he’s only 75% of last year, that still means the Ravens are the best team in the division.

AFC South

Phillip Fucking Rivers. I hate that guy. And I hate that the Colts signed him. One of my brothers-in-law has been sending me pictures of Rivers all summer saying, “This is your quarterback.” My response is always, “Fuck that guy.” Houston really should be the favorite here. But since Bill O’Brien seems intent on crippling Deshaun Watson, I will say Indianapolis, provided that fucker Rivers stays healthy.

(Seriously, we should be in the midst of a glorious run where Patrick Mahomes, Andrew Luck, and Watson are battling each other every year. Luck is gone and Watson is never going to have all the weapons he needs. I feel cheated, and not just because Luck was a Colt. That was good football watching for a decade or more that will fall short of its potential.)

AFC West

Kind of weird that as soon as the Tom Brady era ends, the Patrick Mahomes era begins. You can just pencil in Kansas City as long as he remains upright. Concerns about the defense? Sure. But how many teams are going to be able to go toe-to-toe with the Chiefs offense for 60 minutes?

AFC Wild Cards

Pittsburgh, Cleveland

NFC East

Philadelphia. Like most of the NFC, I don’t love a team in this division. The Cowboys have a higher ceiling, but I trust the Eagles to play closer to their ceiling more than I do Dallas.

NFC North

Green Bay. Is Aaron Rodgers still Aaron Rodgers? Is the chip on his shoulder getting bigger the deeper he gets into his career without another Super Bowl? Will Minnesota have a few key injuries that destroy their hopes for a division title? Yes to all.

NFC South

New Orleans. One last go-around for Brees and Payton?

NFC West

Seattle. Not a sexy pick, but they are reliable and I feel like the 49ers will fall back some this year.

NFC Wild Cards

San Francisco, Minnesota


New England over Cleveland
Baltimore over Pittsburgh

New England over Indianapolis
Kansas City over Baltimore

Kansas City over New England

Green Bay over Minnesota
Philadelphia over San Francisco

Seattle over Philadelphia
New Orleans over Green Bay

New Orleans over Seattle

Super Bowl

Get extra bulbs for the scoreboard in Tampa, because the Chiefs and Saints are going to light it up.

Kansas City 45, New Orleans 42

Take these to your favorite betting app and lock that shit in!